All Because I Fell in Love ... With a Fruit

It all started with me finding the fruit I discussed in the yesterday's blog. After scouring the internet, it seemed the main use for it was salsa. However, I decided that since it tasted like pineapple, and I've had apple and pineapple pie before, I would use it to make a pie!

So I channeled my inner Martha Stewart and began to gather my ingredients:

First, I had to peel the apples. I don't have a peeler, and have never peeled an apple before. So this became an adventure. 

The easiest part was putting the refrigerated pie crust in the pan. Sure, I could have made one from scratch, but it took so long for me to peel the apples, this was my way to save on time. 

After peeling and cutting the apples, I mixed them with my ground cherries and coated all the fruit in cinnamon and flour. 

Then, I mixed quick oats, brown sugar, flour, and melted butter ...

... then sprinkled that on top of my fruit. 

After baking in the oven at 375 for 40 minutes, I had this beautiful guy!

Topped with some ice cream, this pie is becoming the reason that I'm hitting the gym double time starting tomorrow. 

I Got Crazy Jewish Momed

If you haven't heard of Crazy Jewish Mom, you need to do a Google search and enjoy.

(Go ahead, I'll let you find it before we continue...)

For those of you who don't want to Google, CJM is literally texts from a mom to her daughter. She wants her daughter to get married, and has become famous for her "no ring on the finger, you must not linger" mantra.

My mother, while not Jewish, sometimes tend to show some great concern on the fact that I'm not married, and really have no prospects. To be honest, I haven't been looking for prospects. Being a single mom with a career that requires working long hours, nights and weekends, doesn't lend itself for the opportunity to look for prospects.

Then I decided to buy a fruit I had never heard of at the Farmer's Market...

The culprit

I was at the Farmer's Market this morning, and this little beauty intrigued me. The woman selling them told me they tasted like pineapple, but she and her son weren't sure what to do with them. 

In the spirit of trying new things, I bought a bag of them. I came home and did some research into what it was (it's a ground cherry or a pineapple tomitillo depending on where you look). I then decided to make an apple and pineapple tomitillo pie. (Currently in the oven, full scoop on that to come!) 

This sweet woman told me her son didn't know if it would be worth it to bring any since they didn't really know what to do with them. I was sold. (Let's prove him wrong!) 

I was telling my mom this story, and the conversation went somewhat like this: 

Mom: How old was the son?

Me: Probably around my age.

Mom: Was he married?

Me: I don't know. I didn't feel it was appropriate to ask. 

Mom: Did you see a ring?

Me: No, but I also didn't look for one. 

Mom: Just think, if he's not married, the two of you could get together and that would be SUCH a cute story to tell people when they ask how y'all met. 

Me: ........

Let's hope when she comes with me to the Farmer's Market next week that she doesn't ask this poor guy about his personal life.  

Christopher Robin Was Right

I've found a new stride in this whole Fitness Adventure of 2015. Not to steal from Dolvett's 3-2-1 diet (I haven't read the book, and honestly don't know what it's really about), but I've adopted sort of a 3-2-1 fitness method that is totally working for me. 3 days of C25K, 2 days of strength training, 1 day of yoga/flexibility training. The rest day is a given, plus 3-2-1-1 didn't sound near as awesome. Unless Dolvett had a  3-2-1-1- diet, then it would sound cool.

These past two days have shown me just how far I've come on this fitness journey.

This is the week in C25K where they throw in running for 3 minutes straight. (Because the man wants you to hate yourself.) I told myself that if I couldn't run for the whole 3 minutes, it was ok. I prepared myself for failure, because that's what I do. BUT I didn't need to prepare myself for failure, because I dominated those 3 minute runs.

Next, part of my strength training regimen has involved planks. I decided to get a little crazy and do a 30 second plan to go with each of the four rounds of weights I was doing. I expected to maybe get through two of them, and then give up in the middle of the third one. Guess what? I planked like a boss. (Real planks, not even the modified planks!)

But the thing that made it all real? When I put on the dress I was planning to wear to graduation. I've bought plenty of dresses that have come with a belt attached to them, but have never been able to wear the attached belt. Knowing this, I still buy the dresses and I still attempt to belt them. Then this happened:

That's right! I was able to easily put the belt on! Now, does it look fabulous? I think so, but you might not. I know I've got more work to do, but this is a huge accomplishment to me and nothing is taking it away from me. 

Moral of this story? Fictional children's character's are always right. Listen to them. 

What You Don't Say Can Hurt More Than What You Say

The hardest part about moving for me is church shopping.

Church shopping - attending multiple churches until you find the one that is right for you
(I may not have made up this phrase, but any time I use it, people seem surprised to hear me refer to it as such.)

Church shopping is difficult for me. What most people don't know about me, is that I have major church anxiety. Like, freak out in the parking lot if I get there too early and then run away, church anxiety. Many a panic attack has been had in church parking lots across this country by yours truly.

My anxiety doesn't stem from meeting new people, or large crowds, or most normal things that people associate with it. My anxiety comes from feeling like I don't belong. There are many times that I feel like a fraud when I step into a church.

Most of this is in my head, but some of it is from being told as such multiple times during my life. I know I'm far from perfect, but whenever I attend a new church, those confrontations replay in my mind like a bad dream I can't wake up from.

This morning, I attempted to go to a new church. I put on my motivational playlist. I prayed that I wouldn't freak out. I put one step in front of the other and did some major deep breathing and mantra spewing as I walked in the doors. Step 1 - Make it in the door - Accomplished.

As I sat down, I took it all in. This church is bigger than what I'm used to, but I still don't think it's going to be too bad. People come and sit near me, and I smile, but nobody seems to notice that I exist until they need to get by me. The service starts and I've successfully accomplished the second step of my church shopping experience - Don't Bolt Before the Service.

The service started and the people sitting by me ask if they can get out and move seats. This didn't happen once, but twice. Now I'm the only person on my row. I'm beginning to wonder if I smell. I know I put on deodorant this morning, and I'm dressed decent enough. (I think) This is when the doubts started to creep in.

Next up is the greet your neighbor portion of the service that always makes me nervous. While nobody else is on my row, the row in front of me is entirely full, and there are plenty of people across the aisle from me, so I'm sure someone will say hi.    *crickets*    Nobody tells me hi. In fact, nobody even acknowledges my presence. People talk around me to other people, but nobody actually speaks to me. I sit down halfway through because I feel myself about to break down in tears. The anxiety starts to hit hard, and I'm getting to a point where it's difficult to breathe.

I made myself stay through the song service, but spent the last part of that texting my best friend about how I didn't think I could sit through the rest of the service. Once I completed step three (Stay Through the Song Service), I bolted out the door before my tears could start. As soon as I stepped outside the building, I started crying.

It was the first time I've been a church that large, surrounded by people, and felt so alone. I would rather have relived the nightmares of being told I wasn't welcome than to sit there and have nobody  acknowledge me. I cried my way home, and ate my feelings in McDonalds french fries and cheesecake. (Then totally regretted it and went for a run.)

While I may not have heard a sermon from a preacher today, I feel I learned a very valuable lesson from a greater teacher. Sometimes what you don't say to people can hurt much more than what you do say. It's one thing to not speak to someone, but sometimes just a smile or a wave or a quick "hello" can go a long way to making someone feel welcome. Being the new kid is tough, so all of us who aren't the new kids in the situation need to step back and remember what it was like for us. It can never hurt us to be too nice to someone. You never know when that may be exactly what they need.

Why Not?

I had forgotten that I had pre-ordered this book, so when I pulled my Kindle up on Mother's Day, I got an amazing surprise for myself!

(You should just go ahead and order this one now...)

While I didn't laugh out loud with this one as much as I have her other memoirs, there is a sentiment from the book that has stuck with me. 

What if the reason that we can't do things is because we tell ourselves we can't do them. 

Mind blown. 

I've been telling myself that I can't run. Before I got pregnant, I had gotten into running. I didn't enjoy it like I enjoy cheesecake, but it was a nice escape and gave my Pandora ap a good workout. I'll always be slow, and my running will always be more of a jog/walk combo, but I liked participating in road races. I even ran a half marathon while I was pregnant. 

So where along the way did I decide I'm no longer a runner? The point my brain told me I wasn't. 

I decided to stop listening to my brain and started running again this week. I've actually been excited to wake up in the morning for my runs. 

Proof that my brain doesn't always know what it's talking about. Maybe I should stop listening to it in other areas to so I , like Lancaster, can regret nothing. 

Social Media Time Out

Many people use social media as a break from reality. We come online and look at other people's lives through Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, blogs, Tumblr, etc. However, we often spend more time on these sites than we realize. (My dad is a Facebook addict, but don't tell him that. He's a little touchy about it.)

During our move, I took some time to transition off of social media. I deleted the Facebook, Twitter and Instagram aps from my phone. I limited the amount of time that I was in front of the computer during non-work hours. And I realized just how addicted I had become to social media.

"Mommy, put your phone down and play with me."

That's all it took to make me realize that I needed a change. I ripped the internet voyeur bandaid off, and I haven't regretted it.

My productivity in all aspects of my life has increased since I've given myself a time out. I've been extremely productive at work. Kiddo and I have spent more quality time together. (I've learned so many Wiggles dance moves, that I feel I could be a fill-in if needed!) I've spent more time reading my Bible. (I've spent more time reading in general.) I've even gotten back to a regular exercise routine.

For a brief moment, I lost sight of what was really important. My life isn't measured by the amount of times I post to this blog, the amount of tweets I send out into the universe, or the amount of pictures I take to make everyone think our lives here are perfect. The person the internet perceives me to be doesn't matter. What matters is the person that my daughter perceives me to be.

My new job will have me travelling a good bit, and it's more responsibility, so my time away from her will be greater. I don't want her to remember me as the mom who was always on her phone when we were together. Sure, I can still be the mean mom who won't let her watch Dorothy the Dinosaur on repeat ALL DAY. But I want her to remember me as the mom who was with her (REALLY with her) during the brief time we get to spend together.

I'll be back to play more than I was this past month, internet friends. But I'll be spending a little more time paying attention to The Wiggles. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go sing one more song before bedtime.

Behind the Mask

I love mascots.

Not in a fetishy kind of way. There's nothing sexual about my love for mascots. I just want to be around mascots all the time. Mascots make me happy. In an ideal world, I would be a mascot's handler.

Mascots are the brand ambassador for their band. Mascots can help you fall in love with a team that you never thought you would love. Sometimes, you may not fall in love with the team, but you fall in love with the mascot.

My love (obsession) with mascots is what led me to watch Hulu's original series Behind the Mask. It allows the fan a glimpse into what the job of being a mascot actually entails. If you think these guys have an easy job, think again.

As someone who works in sports, mascots remind me of something that can be easy to forget, especially on a game night. My job is to bring other people entertainment. Sports are fun. Working in sports in fun. (Sometimes stressful, but mostly fun.) Working in tickets, I don't always get to see the joy that my fans have when they attend one of our games. But the games I'm not working, I get to see the joy in my daughter's eyes as she anxiously awaits for the mascot to come visit her.

If you have Hulu,watch the show. As Season One reminds us, players and coaches change, but the mascot is always the same. They are a brand ambassador for your favorite team, just as much as any player. Next time you're at a game and the mascot goes in for a high five, hug, or to use you in a gag, let them. They're just tying to do their job, and like all of us, sometimes they need to be reminded that they're doing an awesome one. 

Some Big News

Some of you may have noticed that I've been MIA for pretty much the entire month of March. I haven't purposely been neglecting this blog, or the steps I've taken on this year of self-improvement. Things have been on hold because ...

WE'RE MOVING! 

I heard about a job opening at the end of February, and on a whim submitted a resume. I interviewed on March 5th, was offered and accepted the position on March 6th. These past few weeks have been a whirlwind of looking for a place to live (fingers crossed we hear something soon), trying to get things in line to arrange for our stuff to be moved, and beginning the process of cleaning out the stuff that we don't need to take with us. (LOTS of Keep/Donate/Trash piles are going on around the apartment right now.) 

I promise to do a quick update of things at the end of the month, and hopefully will be able to start blogging on a more regular basis again in April once we get settled in to our new routine. 

A Trilogy...Started?

I've never really been a fan of trilogies or series when it comes to books because that requires a large time commitment. However, in my effort to knock the trilogy challenge out early on, I decided to take to Pinterest in search of a trilogy to read. This one was recommended, and let me tell you, this first book was a little tough to get through for me.

A Book Based On or Turned Into a TV Show

To be honest, I didn't even know this was the series that True Blood was based on until my co-worker told me. I began reading it based on a recommendation and am now anxiously awaiting the next book in the series from my library.

A Book Set Somewhere You've Always Wanted to Visit

My mom and I keep talking about going to Savannah, Georgia, one day. It hasn't happened, so I went vicariously for a little bit in this book.

An Inept Tribute to an Amazing Woman

Some of my best memories of college are from the semester I spent in London. Dr. Douglas spent a good deal of time talking me into going. It wasn't that I didn't want to go. It wasn't even really about the money, although that was a small part of the reason. The main reason that I was hesitant was because it would force me to interact with people from the college I went to.

Don't think I'm not a social butterfly, I am. I had become sort of a hermit by this point because of circumstances. Getting raped your first semester at a Christian college never helps you become popular. (Especially if it's how you lose your virginity.) I lost many friends after that because they didn't feel it was a good idea to associate with me. I was told that if that was the kind of person I was, then they didn't want to be around me. This was when I started drinking...very heavily. It's also when I got into an abusive relationship and became sexually active. That led to more people dropping off the friendship bandwagon.

So spending an entire semester with these people was not sounding like my idea of a good time, even if it was in London.

Dr. Douglas probably didn't know how badly I needed that semester away, but God did. It took some convincing on her part, but I finally agreed to sign up for it. (She wasn't accepting the money excuse, and kept telling me that there were scholarships, etc.)

She arranged it for me to have a private room when we got to the bed and breakfast where we would begin our journey, This was pretty lucky since only two of us got private rooms, and some people were in rooms for three. Looking back, this was God's way of easing me into being around these people for an entire semester. When we were moved to home stay families, I was placed with the only person from our group on the trip who had not attended our college. (Her mom worked at the school, and she had just graduated college and was sent on this trip to become one of my best friends. OR she was figuring out her next life move, but I'm going with the best friend part.)

What most people didn't know was that the guy I was in this abusive relationship with got a work visa and was in London when we were. Some of them met him over the course of the semester because he came to visit me, but nobody really knew what our relationship was.

Knowing he was there, it was difficult for me to begin to let these people in, but over the course of the semester I began to do so. Most of that was God, but a small part of it was God through Dr. Douglas. Dr. Douglas and I went to see a play, just the two of us, and she later told my parents that I was one of the few, if not the only person she would have gone to see it with in the group because I was the most open-minded and didn't take the tongue in cheek nature of it too seriously. (It was the Abbreviated Shakespeare Company doing an abbreviated version of The Bible...religious school....wouldn't have gone over so well with some people.) But what Dr. Douglas gave me in that experience was something that I hadn't had since my first semester of college - spending time with a Christian where I didn't feel judged.

While there are many amazing experiences that I had while spending those months in Europe, that was what I needed most. I needed someone to remind me that I was more than my situations. That I deserved the same peace that everyone else had. While everything I saw was amazing, the work that God did in my life through Dr. Douglas and the angel that I saw (yes, I'm still convinced that I interacted with an angel on the streets of London, more on that another time) is something that I will be eternally grateful for.

I've had this desire to re-read Murder in the Cathedral, one of the plays that we studied during that semester. (And one that has always been a personal favorite.) Dr. Douglas too us to see it performed at an actual Cathedral. (GOOSEBUMPS!) I kept putting it off, but finally picked it up to read it again on Monday night. I don't think it's a coincidence that I felt most compelled to read it the night she passed away. I like to think that she knew it, and it made her proud.

RIP Dr. Douglas.

A Book By a Female Author

I really wish there was a category on this sheet called "A Book That Gave You An Honest Look At Your Life", but since there isn't, I'll go with the category in the title.

Music Monday

Uptown Funk is EVERYWHERE lately. It's the song that you can't get away from, and it's easy to understand why it's getting so much air play.

This song instantly puts a smile on my face because it's so upbeat, so catchy, and just so fun to listen to.

I'm afraid I'm going to have to turn off the radio soon so it doesn't turn into a song that I can't stand because I'm hearing it all the time.

Anyway, many people have sent me this video clip because they know I love mascots.

Since it's Monday, and everyone could use a little smile on their faces on Mondays, I'm sharing this gem with you.

Weekly B

PAST WEEKLY GOALS  

- Complete Week 3 of "Yoga Booty Ballet" (3 out of 5 YBB workouts)

- Read Murder in the Cathedral

- Blog three times

- Find my next book to read

Not only did I find my next book to read, but I finished it! (The Art Forger) 

Sunday Reflections

We're only a few days into Lent, and I'm stocked up on peanut butter and oatmeal. (I eat LOTS of peanut butter and oatmeal during Lent.)

I'm going to use Sundays as a reflection day. Here is where I'll update you on my list of things I'm grateful for, insights into what I'm struggling with during this stage of reset, as well as insights into what I've learned.

REFLECTIONS

While I was going through The Prayer Dare this week, I came across this interesting thought. "We tend to think that God is as reluctant to help as we are, but he's not." We begin to resent God because he hasn't given us things that we think we need in order for our lives to be easier. We forget that God is willing to give us good gifts (Matthew 7:9-11), and assume that because God hasn't given us what we want, then he is slighting us. 

Throwback Thursday - Mardi Gras Past

I'm just going to let this be a small photo tribute to a few of the past Mardi Gras seasons in my life. It still feels a little weird not being at a parade, at a race track, or at home cooking on Mardi Gras, but I guess it will get easier.

A Book Based Entirely On It's Cover

I've been in a bit of a book rut lately. Every book that I start hasn't held my interest and I was beginning to wonder if I would even fund another book this month to begin, much less finish. I was scrolling through my Kindle and decided that I would pick the first book that drew me in by the cover.

I wasn't disappointed.

Lent 2015

I grew up Southern Baptist, but in a prominently Catholic area of the country. As a child, I never participated in Lent. Being one of two kids in my class that didn't participate in Lent was tough. I couldn't relate to what the other kids were doing, and to be honest, as a kid, that sucks.

Fast forward to my adult life, where I decided to start giving Lent a try.

It started out with just giving something up. Some of the more difficult things I've given up for Lent were fast food and using my credit card. Those two required some strict discipline on my part.

This year I've had a more difficult time deciding what to give up for Lent. Most years I've felt there was something that I've been too dependent on, but this year that hasn't been the case. Sure, I know that there are things that I'm dependent on, but I haven't felt led to give any of them up.

This year, I'll be doing Lent a little different. Instead of giving something up, I'm going to focus a little more on refocusing my life.

I'm interrupting my current Bible study, to tackle Reset. When I saw this devotional on Money Saving Mom as one of the free books, I felt God telling me that this was what I needed right now. 

I also will be reading my way through the Gospels over the course of the season. 

I can admit that my prayer life is on life support. In fact, it's slightly non-existent. I haven't felt very comfortable praying in a long time, so I'm adding this to my days during Lent in the hopes of being more confident and comfortable with it going forth. 

Lastly, I'm going to spend Lent focusing on counting my blessings. Sometimes when work gets slammed and stressful, it's easy to lose track of just how blessed I am. Each day, I'll be writing down three (at least three) things that I'm grateful for. I will also be writing notes to the people in my life that I'm grateful for as I feel led. Sometimes we focus so much on the things we are grateful for, that we forget about the people we are grateful for. 

Are you giving up or taking on during this Lenten season?