Yesterday, my parents and I took kiddo to the zoo. This particular zoo is in a large park. Outside of the zoo are lots of picnic tables, a couple of playground areas, a large lake, and a train that runs through the park. Kiddo LOVES the train (it reminds her of Thomas) so when we got there she had to ride on it immediately.
Hola from kiddo as we get ready to ride the train! :)
After we rode the train, it was time to go to the zoo. The zoo has peacocks running around, so we spent most of our time stalking peacocks.
No peacock was safe from a runaway kiddo.
To distract her from trying to pet (kiddo has the tendency to pet very hard) the peacocks, I would say different animals that we were going to find. She was down with that plan. The first animal we went on a hunt for was the hippo. As soon as we found him, she wanted to dance for him. The zoo has some deck areas with tables and chairs where you can look out over the different animals. Kiddo began referring to these as her dancing spots.
I made a fool of myself dancing in public with kiddo, but it made her happy. When I would suggest a new animal to find, kiddo would say, "Let's go find another dancing spot." It really made me see how much kiddo can teach me about life. Life is what you make of it, and nobody can make you happy. It's taken me a long time to realize that being happy is a choice. I'm the one who makes the decision on whether I'm happy or not. So the next time I decide that I'm not happy about something going on in my life, I'm just going to take kiddo's advice and look for another dancing spot.
My boyfriend is addicted to his phone. He's on it constantly. He's checking or responding to his social media, his fantasy teams, his text messages, looking up whatever comes to mind (his ADD is crazy). We've been together 7 months, and it took me 4 of them to finally tell him that I would not allow the phone in bed. It frustrated me so much that we would be in bed together, and he would spend 45 minutes or more responding to text messages, tweets, facebook convos, etc. There were many nights where I would roll over and pretend to be asleep because I was so frustrated. I've established a no phones while in bed rule (unless it's a call or text from a family member), and a limited phone checking while we're together rule. This rule came about because one time when I was with him for a total of 28 hours, counting sleep time, he sent a tweet out every 6 minutes I was there. Take out sleep time, add in text messages, it wasn't worth my 3 hour drive round trip to see him for that one day.
When I'm with my daughter, I try very hard to limit the amount of time I'm looking at my phone. I have a phone for work, so sometimes the responding to an e-mail or text message has to be immediate, but for the most part, I'm on it way too more than I mean to be when I'm with her. Last night, my daughter looked at me while we were watching Zoe dance for the millionth time last night and said, "Mommy dance with me." I told her I would, and as I hit send on the text message, she said, "Mommy put her phone away." It broke my heart. Here I was doing the exact same thing to my child that my boyfriend has been doing to me. Talk about life slapping you on the forehead when you need it to.
From now on, I promise to try and make a more conscious effort to not check my phone when I'm playing with her. I want to be able to get the point where I can leave my phone in my purse until after she's gone to bed. The most important people in your life shouldn't feel as if they are second best to the "people who live in your phone". Every day kiddo is reminding me that I need to live in the moment and enjoy them before they are gone. So the next time kiddo asks me to dance with her and Zoe, even if it's for hours, I will dance. That's more important than anything else.
Like many women, I say every year that I want to drop a few pounds. I'm happy with myself, so I'm not overly concerned about it. I guess the best way to put it is that I want to get back to exercising on a regular-ish basis, and not indulge in all the fried goodness the world has to offer. (Doing anything on a regular basis while being the single mom to a toddler and working in college athletics is challenging, so I always aim for regular-ish.) (Also, I will be indulging in massive amounts of fried goodness at the fair tonight. I'm a moth to a flame!) I was a college athlete, and when I don't have a set workout routine it tends to leave me frustrated. Since my schedule is starting to wind down work-wise, I figured now was the time to really get focused on sticking to a schedule.
I started the Blogilates beginners calendar last week. I went with the beginners calendar because it was some more intro to Pilates videos, and since I'm not very good at it, I felt this was the place to start. Plus, there are less videos on each day compared to the regular calendar, so it fits better with my schedule. I've stuck with it for almost 2 weeks now, and while the scale says that I've gained weight, I can tell that I've lost inches. (which is more what I'm really looking for anyway) My clothes fit better, and there is a slight hint at some abs wanting to form. (New goal - have the start of a two-pack by the end of the 4 weeks!) So far I've gotten a reminder at just how not flexible I am (flexibility is overrated!), a reminder of how tight my hamstrings are (my trainers used to always laugh about that), and possibly pulled a muscle in my butt. (Can you do that?) This morning I even tried her 2 ingredient "pancake" recipe and it wasn't half bad.
I swear it taste better than it looks!
Last night, I got some weight loss help from kiddo. She knows that she's not allowed out of her high chair until someone is finished eating. She kept asking to get out of her chair last night, and I kept reminding her that she had to wait until someone was finished. (This is a daily conversation/semi-discussion.) My mom finished eating, and let her out. Kiddo came and stood next to me and then this exchange happened:
K: "You want to go watch Zoe?"
M: "I do, but I want to finish eating dinner first."
K: "Want to go watch Zoe NOW?"
M: "When Mommy finishes eating."
K: "Want me to put your plate up?"
M: "When Mommy finishes eating."
Kiddo them proceeds to put her face almost in my plate while this conversation loops back around.
I did finish my dinner, and we went to watch Zoe on my laptop in my bedroom. I tried to look at it more was kiddo's way of helping me eat less. It's sometimes hard to do that when this happens almost as soon as I sit down to eat, but it did provide me with a good story. She likes to dance with her Zoe game, and my awesome (horrible) dance moves are always requested, so I also get a small workout in too. Kiddo is growing into my accountability partner/personal trainer. I better stick to her plan before she starts shaming me in public.
Seeing this on my Pinterest board put a night of soul searching into perspective. A few days ago, I posted about the apology that I never thought I would get. Those few text messages led me to a long night of soul searching. It seems that the couple is hoping to start over in our friendship and I have no desire to have them back in my life. Feeling that way bothered me, and it took me a while to figure out why.
It bothered me because this is the first "toxic" relationship that I haven't been the one to initiate the end of. There have been many relationships that have been removed from my life with the understanding that they would never be rekindled. I went through a not so proud period of my life, and have worked to remove any of the "negative" (I use quotes because I don't like to think of them as negative) influences in my life. I've always been the one to initiate the break, and went through a grieving process before actually initiating the break so it wasn't such a shock to my system. I think this is why it initially bothered me that I didn't want to rekindle my friendship with this couple. The end to the friendship was something that I never saw coming, and hadn't prepared for before hand. I never expected them to ask to rekindle the friendship, therefore, I used all of my internal defense mechanisms to prepare for life without them. It felt like a slap in the face for her to say that they still think of and care about me, because I don't think of or care about them. (I care in the general sense of not wanting anything bad to happen to them, but no more than I care for any person that I don't know well.)
That night of soul searching made me realize that it doesn't make me a bad person for not wanting to rekindle the friendship. I am not a bad person for protecting myself from a repeat of the hurt. I am not a bad person for putting my family's best interest first. I am not a bad person for looking out for myself. It took me a long time to reach the point where I understood that I can accept their apology while declining their olive branch of friendship. And that, does not make me a bad person.
I took the day off work and have been working on some other blog posts, but they aren't coming along as easily as I thought they would. So, I decided to do a post on some fun facts about me. Some of these facts will be old, some will be new, but I hope some of them make you laugh on this Monday.
1. I have an irrational fear for frogs. I'm more afraid of the small tree frogs than I am of large bullfrogs. My fear stems from the fact that they can jump and it's difficult to gauge just how far they are going to jump, so they can come out of NOWHERE! There have been times that I've hyperventilated because a frog has been under the door handle of my car. I'm terrified, I tell you.
2. My favorite Disney movie is Oliver and Company. When I was a kid, I saw it in theaters more times than I care to admit. "Why Should I Worry" is one of the songs that I would use in a soundtrack for my life.
3. Before kiddo, I was the only person in my immediate family not born on the 29th of a month. My dad (November), mom (April), and brother (January) were, but I was born on the 22 (July). (So close!)
4. When I lived in Baton Rouge, my friends and I would have Spaghetti Wednesdays. At the time, I was the only member of the crew who didn't have a master's degree. Present day, I'm the only one who has not either obtained or is working on a Ph.D.
5. In college, I burnt a poptart in the microwave of my dorm room. I then used my ninja abilities to throw it away on a different hall without anyone being wiser. I told one of my best friends who lived on the hall where I threw it out years later, and she now calls me Betty Crocker.
6. I'm hoarding turkey bacon in my freezer. This month was the first time, since September, that I've had to buy turkey bacon. HEB had a sale when I ran out, so I took it as a sign to begin hoarding more turkey bacon. If all else fails, I have enough turkey bacon to eat on for a few months.
7. Mark Wahlberg has always been my number one celebrity crush.
8. The only thing that I like at Starbucks, beverage wise, is their hot chocolate. I love coffee, but am not a big fan of their coffee.
9. The worst injury I've had came playing in a work league softball game. I managed to play tournament, high school, and college softball without a major injury. I was hit in between the temple and the eye in a work league softball game and suffered a pretty severe concussion. To this day, I have very limited short term memory.
10. I spent a semester in London and learned more about myself in 4 months than I ever thought I could.
11. I may be 30 years old, but I love One Direction. I have all of the albums, the 1D movie, and more memorabilia than I care to admit. If I could afford to see them live in concert, I would go in a heart beat! I mean, even Buzzfeed says that Louis is my boy band soulmate:
12. I convinced my co-worker that we should buy season tickets to a minor league hockey team in Fargo, ND (even though we live in Texas) based on this awesome commercial:
13. I always wear my hair pulled back. Always. One of the side effects from PCOS is that the balding thing that I've got going on. Between my hair being thin and fine, and the bald spots, it makes it very difficult to wear my hair down. I've become the master of my version of the messy bun.
14. Pizza is my favorite food. There are very few times where I would not chose pizza if it was an option, one of those being at a fair. Fair pizza isn't the same, and I'm too busy stuffing my face with all of the fried food I can't get on a regular basis to make it worth spending my limited money on pizza.
15. I'm a reality tv junkie. When I get free time from work and am not watching Thomas the Tank Engine with kiddo (over and over), I gravitate towards reality tv. I can also bring reality tv moments into almost any conversation.
16. I have this weird habit of responding with song lyrics in conversation. (Reality tv and song lyrics, it's a wonder I have any friends!)
17. I'm obsessed with book buying, and go through periods where I get anxious if I haven't been to a bookstore in a while. I have so many books that I haven't read, and will try to put a dent in them over the summer. (So I won't feel guilty about purchasing more books, of course.)
18. One of my favorite (makes me laugh) memories of my grandfather was when he was teaching me to pitch. We (me, my dad, my brother, and my grandpa) were at the ballpark and he told me to stop throwing like a girl. I yelled at him that I was a girl and then flashed him. All of the boys started laughing so hard that my lesson for the day was over. My grandpa used to love telling that story to people too.
19. I do not know how to ride a bike. When I was younger, I got frustrated when I was learning to ride a bike and declared that I would just walk anywhere I needed to go.
20. I ran my first (and probably only) half marathon while I was pregnant with kiddo. I wasn't 100% positive that I was pregnant when I ran it. It was also very icy (February in Tennessee) and through a state park. I slipped many times during those 13.1 miles. I finished the race with a very sore ass and I told my parents that if I ever said I was going to do that again, to remind me of how I wanted to jump in front of an 18-wheeler during the last 2 miles of the course.
I hope some of those confessions made you laugh! I'd love to see what random facts any of y'all would choose to share with the world. I have many more things I could have shared, but I'll save them for another post.
It's been said that you don't forgive someone for their sake, you forgive them for your sake. About two years ago, I was hurt very deeply by a couple who I thought were some of my closest friends. I actually thought of them as family. All of us were not on the same page on some things that I was under the impression we were, and feelings were hurt. As a result, I have only spoken with one of them a couple of times for professional reasons, but only to ask for a professional reference. I may have spoken to either of them two to three times in the past two years for under 5 minutes per conversation. I grieved the loss of their friendship, and had accepted that any relationship we had was over. I forgave them, and moved on with my life.
Today, I got a random text from a number I didn't recognize asking if it was still my number. I was intrigued, and replied that it was. It was one of them. I instantly that, "What the **** do they want from me now? I've stayed out of their lives like they asked. What the hell could they possibly want from me?" The text said that they understood if I didn't want to talk, but they were in a very different place now and had talked a lot about what happened, and this person understands it much more. They told they felt bad about how it ended, and how they dealt with it. They also said they hoped I was happy and that they still think and care about me.
WTF!!!!!
I didn't know how to respond to that. I had put everything behind me. To be honest, I haven't really thought about them in longer than I can guess. I mean, I asked for a reference a few months ago from one of them, but I hung up and had no thoughts about them. I have gotten to a point where I am at peace with them just being people that I used to know. My mind went through many different thoughts: is this part of some 12 step program, what happened in their lives to bring this about, what do they want from me, is this part of some counseling, etc? How do I even respond to that? Do they really think I'm going to respond? Do they even want me to respond?
After much counsel with the people who were closest to me when the event happened, I was still undecided about how to handle this situation. I finally decided that I needed to get advice from someone who I could give the 5 minute snippet to and get their opinion on it. I went to a friend who had no previous knowledge on the situation, and his advice was exactly what I felt needed to be done. Let them know I received the texts, I appreciate the sentiments, and wish them well. I took his advice, and also added in that I had put those events behind me a long time ago.
They replied back that it was heavy on them to share that with me. I didn't reply back. I probably won't reply back. I don't feel there's a need to reply back. They asked me to stay out of their lives, and I plan to respect that. Now that I live 14 hours away, it's not as if we run in the same social circles for that to be awkward. It takes a lot for me to remove people who I've felt were family from my life, and once I've removed anyone from my life, it takes a lot to get me to let you back in. I hope that they got whatever peace from this exchange today that they were looking for. I'm happy with my life the way it is, and there's no reason to look back.
I found this on Pinterset as I was originally going through this situation and
helped me get to a place of acceptance with the situation.
I look forward to my reality TV Sundays. It's the only day that I can consistently watch the shows when they actually air, and since I don't have DVR, it's sometimes difficult to catch the shows that I've missed. Or if I'm being honest, sometimes I actually forget to go find the episodes I missed to watch. (Shhh...don't tell too many of my friends that! They might be surprised to learn that I'm NOT really addicted!) I won't recap the episodes of Long Island Medium and My Five Wives for you, but there is something from each episode that stuck with me that I'm going to touch on.
Long Island Medium
Long Island Medium showed us the mind of an Italian momma. I've heard that you can't fully understand an Italian family (much like you can't understand a Jewish family, Cajun family, etc) unless you grew up in one. Theresa making her son's lunch brought me back to my own family. Yes, I'm an adult. Yes, my parents occasionally live with me. (We have a unique situation that I may discuss in more detail on a later post.) Yes, my mom will ask me if I want her to package our leftovers from dinner for my lunch. Unlike Theresa, I'm on my own for breakfast though. Italians > Cajuns. The part of the episode that really hit home for me was when she was waiting for her son to get home from work to eat dinner, and then lectured him on being home in time for family dinner.
It was as if Theresa showed me my future in that moment! I can see myself becoming an Italian momma and giving kiddo the whole "If you live under my roof, then you need to be home for family dinner! I don't care if your coworkers want to go to Happy Hour! It's a worknight! You need to be in bed by 10!" I saw my life with my adult child played out on national television, and I have accepted it!
My Five Wives
My five wives broached some very personal topics this week: birth control, pregnancy, and adoption talks in a polygamist family. Robyn wants to adopt, and is trying to get more information on the process. We're ten shown other wives talking about how they would like to be pregnant again, but when they bring it up to Brady, he's not really on board with the idea. I couldn't gauge from the episode if Brady was down with the adoption idea completely, or if he wanted to have all of the information before making a final decision on it. Rosemary mentions that she would be jealous if Brady said yes to adoption after telling her he was too overwhelmed when she brought up having another child with him. Nonnie has turned the safe talks Brady wanted back around on him about having another child. I completely understand where all of these women are with this. If they wanted to have another child, were told no, and then another wife is being allowed to adopt, it does seem a little unfair.
The most cringeworthy Brady moment came when the interviewer asked if they could discuss birth control. Brady pipes up, "Sure!" I immediately cringed because birth control is a very personal issue to some women, and it became know almost immediately that it was a personal issue for his wives. In their faith (that they left), birth control was frowned upon. Many of them have not discussed whether or not they are on birth control with their own families for that reason. Brady continues on about how in this society it's not as if anyone would be shocked or expect them to be abstaining.
I guess what Brady wasn't thinking about is that it doesn't matter what society thinks. To his wives, it matters what their families think. They've already abandoned the faith of some of their families, and it would seem to add insult to injury to openly admit to their family specific things they have abandoned that they were raised to believe. I think the thing anyone can take away from this, is that if it's an issue involving a woman and her reproductive system, no matter what the issue is, it's best for the man to just let the woman speak on the subject if she wants.
Before I got pregnant, I was a workaholic. I was not only a workaholic, but I had to fill all of the hours in my day, whether it was classes at the gym, a running group, a kickball league, work softball, it didn't matter as long as I had a jam packed day. All of my vacations were planned down to the day, and I was not very good at rolling with the punches. Forget that I could go the next day, I HAVE to go today because tomorrow I'm going to see A, B, C, & D! Then I got pregnant.
When I was pregnant, I was working at a college in one of the premiere athletic conferences. Days off are rare, and 50 hour work weeks were the norm. I was also going to grad school at night on top of working extremely full days. Nobody can really tell you how much that little person in side of you can wear you down. Walking the 2-3 blocks from my parking lot to the office began to get rough, not in a heavy breathing way, but in a "holy crap I'm going to pee on myself RIGHT NOW!" I watered many a tree in that parking lot, and wore mainly maternity dresses once my bladder decided to give in. I was still keeping my days pretty jam packed, and only dialing it down a notch. Then I had the kid.
After having kiddo, I took a job closer to my family at a smaller school. The one thing this school doesn't tell you is that you get 2 weeks off at Christmas. At the school I was at before, that would be unheard of! While the work is still the same, the workload is lighter, so taking time off is actually doable. (Once you get out of those pesky sports seasons!) This has been a tremendous plus for this job. I may go back to a job at a larger conference once kiddo is older, but while she's little this works for us.
Kiddo is very much a live in the moment little person. I'm not sure if kids in general are born this way, or if she is just a free spirit, but either way, her attitude has rubbed off on me. I have to slow down, generally speaking, because she's little and can't keep up. I really have to slow down because she has to stop for dance breaks while we are walking places. If there's music playing, there is a solid chance that we may never leave where we are.
Learning to live life with a limited agenda is a challenge for me. Some days I handle this better than others. When kiddo looks at me and wants to play her Sesame Street games on my laptop, how can I tell her me scouring the internet is more important? When kiddo wants to watch the videos on my phone of her dancing and singing, how can I say no? So this cup of coffee is to all of us who have realized that living in the moment is the best way to live (as long as we can have some sense of structure in there too).
It seems to appear that I've learned most of my life lessons while pregnant. I'm going to try very hard not to make this week seem like a series on how awesome pregnancy is (because it's not), but sadly, that's when most of my life lessons were either introduced or seriously confirmed in my life. Today's life lesson that I'm grateful to have learned is that you don't have to be related to be family.
After I got the news that I was knocked up, I went into panic mode. What am I going to do? I can't keep the kid, that wouldn't be fair to it...him...her?...it can't be a her, it's definitely a him. As I work through this with myself and eventually tell each of my co-workers and friends (I mean, I'm about to be blown up like a balloon, so might as well let them know now.), I was firmly set on giving the child up for adoption. My co-workers supported this and even helped me select agencies to talk with. I even offered my baby to my boss, but he declined. (Later they all told me that they knew I would eventually come around to the decision of keeping my baby, but they wanted me to work through that on my own.)
My co-workers and friends in Nashville eventually became my family. They were the ones who were with me all the time. My friends still invited me to hang out with them, and even threw me a surprise baby shower after me adamantly admitting that I didn't want one. My co-workers also threw me a surprise shower. (My parents were in the know about both of these, and still managed to keep the secrets from me! Sneaky!) But most importantly, all of them made me feel accepted and rode the journey with me wherever it took me. Daniel, my bestie, willingly went places with me when I was huge and people were assuming it was his baby. (Seriously, he's the best friend anyone could ask for me, and it sucks that I had to miss his wedding because of work.)
I never accepted the massive amount of help that was offered to me, but it was appreciated. My makeshift family helped me realize just how strong-willed I am (I swear kiddo gets that from him, not me!). They also taught me what it was like to truly accept someone unconditionally. I'm forever grateful to my little makeshift Nashville family for not only helping me through one of the more difficult times in my life, but for helping me evolve into a better person over all.
Before we get to the actual blog post, my apologies for not posting while I was out of town. The hotel charged for wi-fi in the room, and I wasn't paying it (or have my employer pay it and then ask me why I couldn't go to the lobby and use the free wi-fi, and then I'd have to response with "my snacks were all in my room, and bringing my own booze down would seem classless.)
I learned a rather important life lesson about 2 years ago. When I was 13, doctors told me that my ovaries were pretty screwed up and that I would never be able to have children of my own without uber expensive fertility treatments. It wasn't a big deal to me. At 13, I wasn't in the mindset of wanting kids or a family anyway. I had an entire world to tackle! I never thought anything of it until the night I got knocked up. Apparently by "uber expensive fertility treatments" by doctors meant "go celibate for a year, then have a one-night stand that involves Mich Ultra and Mexican-ghetto gas station condoms." Let me set the stage (some of you have heard this, but bear through the re-telling):
January 14, 2010 (A year and a day celibate)
After work, I decided to head to Bridgestone arena to catch some college hockey. (I <3 college hockey.) Merrimack College was taking on U-Alabama Hunstville. They were also serving ridiculously cheap beer to get people to attend. Mich Ultra was the best option of the cheap beer, so I had PLENTY of them. So many of them, that I knew I needed to stop at McDonalds on the way home, but I'm getting ahead of myself. I bet these guys from Merrimack and after the game was over we parted ways. I went to McDonalds to get my Happy Meal to sober up, and then made my way to a friend's house to start pre-gaming for our night of drinking.
At the first bar we stopped at, I saw my new Merrimack friends. Drinks were bought, phone numbers exchanged, plans to hook up later confirmed, and then my friends and I went on our merry way. At the last bar of the night, baby daddy picked me up. I high-fived everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) as I left the bar while exclaiming, "I'm getting laid!" (I'm classy, y'all.) We stopped by a gas station in the Mexican ghetto where I lived to get condoms, and then went home to take care of business. I kicked him out after it was over, but something inside of me was concerned that I was pregnant almost immediately.
After I was late, I took LOTS of at home pregnancy tests with most of them confirming I was pregnant. Internal monologue: How is that possible? The doctors told me I would never be able to have a kid of my own! You can't tell me that guy has magic sperm! This can't be happening. What am I going to do? What are my Southern Baptist parents going to say? I can't afford to have a baby. This can't be real.I can't get pregnant.
I went to the doctor to have a blood test done. I've had a false positive before, so I thought maybe I just had lots of false positive this time. (Yep, still in denial.) I get the phone call and had this awkward exchange:
DO: "Congratulations! "
Me: "I'm not pregnant?"
DO: "Oh, um, no, you're pregnant."
(Doctor's offices REALLY shouldn't lead with that unless they know you've been trying to get pregnant.)
This whole experience has taught me some of the most important life lessons I've learned, the first lesson being that everything happens for a reason. (Yes, this is a teaser to tomorrow's lesson. The story isn't fully over!)
The town we live in has a heritage festival going on this week. I heard there would be a petting zoo, and thought that kiddo might like it. Kiddo didn't just like it, she loved it! Here are some photos of our fun night:
I think kiddo wanted to take the deer home with us. She also danced with the camel. My parents got a better video, and I think my dad swooped in on this one so he could get a better one. :)
You may have to lean your head to see it. Like I said, my parents have the better video!
I didn't realize until this season of The Bachelor that there were people who still watched the show for the fairy tale ending. Yesterday, a co-worker told me that she didn't realize it wasn't real until after Brad Womack didn't elect to enter into a relationship with either finalist on his first go round. (Side note: I greatly admired him for not picking anyone. I lost all respect for him when he came back. Coming back meant he HAD to propose. Why, Brad, why?!) It was obvious to be from the beginning that it's more about the entertainment than it is about reality. All reality television is that way.
Please tell me that I'm not the only person who watches for the train wrecks that make their way on to the show! Judging from the internet, most people felt this was the worst season of The Bachelor ever. If by "worst" they mean "most awesome" then I agree 100%.
Juan Pablo did an amazing job at offering quality reality television in the form of massive train wrecks, and while that plays a part into why I feel this was the most awesome season of The Bachelor ever, I think real reason it was awesome is because Juan Pablo took away the fairy tale that viewers have come to expect. Not only did he take the fairy tale away, he threw it off a pedestrian bridge and watched an 18 wheeler run over it. Then he had the same 18 wheeler back over it, and then run over it again. Juan Pablo gave us reality, and the reactions that I've seen prove that most viewers don't want that in their reality programming.
For bringing us reality, I want to thank Juan Pablo. Even though many are dubbing him the "worst bachelor ever", I feel he taught us some valuable lessons this season.
Lesson 1: Some women are willing to change anything about themselves to land a "hot" guy. "I wish I were more dumb" should NEVER come out of a woman's mouth in regards to the ability of finding compatibility with a man. Why would anyone want to be dumber just to feel more mentally compatible with someone? Shouldn't we all be looking for someone who makes us strive to be better in areas where we are weak? If anything, this season reinforced to me that I need to make sure my daughter is confident and happy enough with herself, that she won't feel she needs a man's approval. (The Pussycat Dolls were right! I don't need a man!)
Lesson 2: Specifically speaking, slut-shaming someone is never ok. Generally speaking, emotional abuse is never ok. Juan Pablo slut-shamed Clare multiple times during the season, and she put up with it. She was desperate enough for love, that she put up with the emotional abuse. He was an active, and willing, participant in the shenanigans, but after the fact turned the tables on her in a "how could you do that" accusatory tone. THEN on the finale, he implies that he doesn't really know her but enjoys the extracurriculars? Even after that, she was still hoping that he would propose to her? Clare, you deserve better than the crumbs of someone's love! (as Dr. Jenn from Couples Therapy would say) When she finally told Juan Pablo off (after he was like, peace out, slut), his response was that he was glad he didn't pick her. America was upset with that, but as someone who has been where Clare was, that's the general reaction you get when you stand up to someone who has emotionally abused you. It's never their fault, you just don't understand. Juan Pablo helped remind America that emotional abuse is never ok.
Lesson 3: Some guys are selfish assholes. I don't think this needs any more explanation.
Lesson 4: But the most important lesson that this season of The Bachelor taught us, was that it's ok for a woman to stand up for herself in a relationship. America loved with Andi finally got fed up with Juan Pablo's selfishness, and told him off. Hell, I think most of America heard angels singing during the Women Tell All episode, which was really just a Juan Pablo bashing session on a larger scale. If there are THAT many women who feel you are an ass, maybe it IS you.
So, thank you, Juan Pablo, for reminding women everywhere that some men are just selfish assholes, and it is a-ok to stand up and let them know it as you walk out the door to something (or someone) better.
Sister Wives and 90 Day Fiance have ended. My pleadings to the universe for those shows to continue have been ignored. TLC has given me one old favorite and one new show to take their place, Long Island Medium and My Five Wives. I'm not sure how I feel about this new show, but I'll get to that in a minute.
Long Island Medium isn't a show that I ever watch intentionally. The reason for that is that I can never remember when it comes on. However, it never fails to get the sympathetic waterworks going at my house! I'm a sympathetic crier, so once the tears start flowing on the TV, they start flowing over here too. I don't believe 100% in it, but I find it heart warming. Whether it's through Spirit, or through the questions that she asks during the cold readings, these people feel better. This episode had a Jonestown survivor and it was very chilling to hear her speak of the witnessing her mother's death. I wanted to give her a hug through my TV screen! That has to be the one, if not the most, horrific thing that anyone can witness.
My Five Wives was not what I was expecting. It started with an uber creepy opening sequence of him waking up next to a difference wife each time it faded back in. CREEPY, TLC! It seemed from following along with people's comments on Twitter, that many of them were turned off by the fact that the family was polygamist. I don't think that was a fact that was ever hidden, so if you were going to be turned off by that, then why watch the show in the first place? I was more turned off by the fact that all of the wives were very stiff with each other, even after being married to the same man for many years. It's a drastic contrast to the interactions of the ladies on Sister Wives. It seemed like these wives were not used to communicating with one another, especially on issues that may cause conflict.
Brady tried to institute "safe talks" into the house to get the ladies to open up to each other instead of always using him as a go-between. Paulie tried it, and it did not go over so well. You could tell that Nonnie wanted to choke her with some Jedi mind tricks. It wasn't even an issue that was THAT major. (I'm the one who pays the bills, but let me know if you want to pay some of them so I know not to expect to see them.) Brady has abandoned safe talks, until the wives are ready for them.
I'll tune in again, just because I want to see this show get better. It was a major snooze fest. I'm hoping that the wives personalities seemed bland because they were getting used to the cameras being there. Maybe they are just very quiet and reserved people, but I'd like to see some personality shine through. Please, TLC, tell me it gets better!
This text exchange happened with my boyfriend after I watched the show:
Me: I want Kody's wives, but Brady as the guy.
SO: I see. They should do a wives swap.
Me: Reality tv wet dream!
Ok, I'm going to the Houston Rodeo tonight for the first time and I'm having food panic. Which should I eat first: funnel cake, pistolette, corn dog, or ice cream? Text me your thoughts!
Note: I'm taking pizza out of the equation because fair style pizza just isn't up to par with the four items listed. Note 2: Apparently the Houston Rodeo is the shit and it's where all of the cool kids go to hang out. Note 3: REO Speedwagon is playing tonight, so it'll be me, Cat, and lots of older people. Note 4: I'm giving up candy this week for Lent. This cash spending business isn't quite so bad. Note 5: I've officially made more notes to this post than thoughts for an entire post. Don't worry, tomorrow's post will be my gluttonous ode to fair food.
We survived the worst of the crazy weekend yesterday, so I'm sharing 5 things that always put a smile on my face. It's the last scheduled day of gratitude, so it seemed fitting.
1. Kiddo serenading me on her puppy guitar.
2. Planning road trips, even if they are for work. (Bright side - hotel on the company dime, yo!)
3. Good book recommendations. My brother was leery to recommend the Game of Thrones series to me, so he waited until I watched the first season of the show and said I liked it to recommend me reading it. I'm currently halfway through A Storm of Swords (book 3) and haven't felt the need to watch the second season of the show.
4. Yoga pants and a hoodie. I feel this ensemble should be accepted in every day life, but am perfectly happy wearing it around my apartment at all times.
5. Dinner and drinks with friends. (Which I'm headed to after work today! I need some wings, beer, and friends in my life.)
Today is a pretty stressful day for work. We have three double header events (baseball, softball, and basketball), and there is also a marathon taking place through our campus that has most of the roads blocked off. It's a serenity prayer kind of morning over here. I'm going to change up the 5 things I'm grateful for, with 5 songs that I'm thankful for because they tend to help calm me down in stressful situations.
1. Tranquilize - Lou Reed and the Killers. I LOVE this song. Anytime that I'm having a hard time focusing, I turn to this song to get me back on track mentally. I was at Lollopalooza the year both Lou Reed and The Killers were performing, and was hoping that at the end of The Killers set that Lou Reed would show up and they would perform this song live, but I wasn't so lucky.
2. Someday I'll Be Saturday Night - Bon Jovi. This is my favorite Bon Jovi song. I think the message is one that can fit into any stressful situation, and today is definitely that day. "It may not be tomorrow, but that's ok."
3. Forever - Dropkick Murphys. This may seem a little odd on this list since I tell people that if I ever get married, this is the song I want to walk down the aisle to, and have as my first dance song, but the music in the song just calms me instantly.
4. Nothing - The Script. Again, it's a little depressing, but when I need to calm down, this song is always at the top of the playlist.
5. Girl Named Tennesse - Needtobreathe. I know the obviously choice by this group would be Lay 'Em Down, but there's just something about this song that makes me happy.
I have to get to work, but I hope you enjoyed the tunes! Feel free to share with me some of your favorite songs to de-stress to so I can add them to my playlist.
Where would we all be without these buzzfeed quizzes? It seems that my friends are completely obsessed with them, and I can't help myself from joining in the fun. I stopped by one today because it was "What Should You Give Up For Lent?" My brother got that he should give up meat, and I was intrigued. Fingers crossed during the entire quiz, I offered up my favorite fruit (ketchup, because tomatoes are fruit!), my favorite (if you can call it that) deadly sin (gluttony), what American city I'd prefer to live in (Nashville), I picked a super power (the ability to teleport), told them I'd want to see a zebra on safari, that I'd follow Ellen on Twitter, my adjective of choice was the word brash, and Fozzie Bear is my favorite muppet. After all of that deep insight into my soul, I got this result:
What Should You Give Up For Lent?
You got: Eating meat
What’s good, superstar? You’re big, bold, and let your opinion be heard. Nothing satisfies you more than a good burger, but why not give the meat up for Lent! Use the next 40 days to be a friend to animals and hit the salad bar hard. And hey, it just means more pizza and mac and cheese, right?
Seriously? Ugh. Who wants to eat just cheese pizza ALL THE TIME?! I mean, I did on Ash Wednesday. (It's sort of a standing Lent tradition for me.) But back to the whole point of this blog:
1. I'm grateful for cheese. Without cheese, there would be no cheese pizza. Without cheese, there would be no nachos. (My lunch for today) Without cheese, life would be a little bland.
2. I'm grateful for toilet paper. It's come to my attention that I use the restroom a lot. (More so since I had kiddo.) Whoever invented something to wipe yourself that is also soft and won't leave you with a rash down there was a genius. (So I may be more grateful for the inventor, but I'm still grateful for the product!)
3. I'm grateful for motivational sayings. After having a chat yesterday about how we should needlepoint the serenity prayer and other motivational sayings around a co-workers office because he was stressed out, I've come to realize just how grateful I am for motivational sayings. I have a few around my desk and my home and for those days when things get really hectic, it's a nice reminder to slow down and not get so worked up over things that you have no control over.
4. I'm grateful for flashlights. Not only do they provide light in the darkness, they also serve as amazing substitutes for microphones when I'm rocking out while getting dressed in the morning, or rocking out as I wind down from a long day at work.
5. I'm grateful for the ability to stream shows on the internet. After missing the season finale of Couple's Therapy last night, I plan to spend my lunch break today catching up on the final episode. More stations should allow you to stream the show the day after it airs! If life keeps me from watching live, I need to be able to catch up in a timely manner.
I have cash money and nobody wants it. I take that back, I have cash money and I had to beg the lady working at the Shell station this morning to take it from me. Let me set the scene for you. I pull in to pump #7 at the Shell station this morning. I get out of my car, with $20 and walk inside. (There is a sign on the door that says, "Apply inside. Must be available to work." Interesting, just available to work and not a particular shift?) I stand at the counter and wait to get the cashier's attention. She was looking at her phone and possibly eating breakfast. I couldn't really tell for sure, but there was food and a phone. She got up, and I assumed she was going to ask what I needed. She grabbed a trashbag and started walking away, so I finally spoke up.
M: "Excuse me....excuse me.....excuse me..."
C: "Oh, you want to buy something?"
M: "I'd like $20 worth of gas at pump 7, please."
C: "Don't you have a card?"
M: "I have this $20 bill."
C: "You must be the only person without a card."
M: (Maybe this is why they just need someone who is available to work?)
So my first foray into spending only cash this Lenten season did not go as planned. Hopefully this is the exception and not the rule for people who spend cash money all the time.
Anywho...enough stalling...it's time for my 5 things that I'm grateful for:
1. The Kindle ap on my smartphone. I resisted the Kindle, and all digital book items, for a very long time. There's just something to be said for holding a real book in your hands. My parents got me a Kindle for Christmas a few years ago and I've been hooked! The only problem is that my Kindle will no longer open any books. It won't let me delete anything, but it tells me I need to delete things to give it more space. (Weird.) Thanks to the Kindle ap on my smartphone, I'm able to still read all of these books that I've downloaded! It's also an amazing tool to have when I'm waiting in line at Starbucks, or at the doctor's office.
2. Kiddo's Captain pillow pet. Since my childhood Teddy bear is slowly being retired from the bed, kiddo has let me borrow her Captain pillow pet. (Kiddo can be generous when she wants to be.) He's part pillow, part stuffed animal, and fills the needs for having both!
3. Papa John's pizza point system. Thanks to them, I had a free pizza last night. That's actually a pretty brilliant plan on their part. The more money you spend, you get something for free! I know this is the thing among most retail and some food establishments, but since I'm a pizza junkie, I feel more pizza places should capitalize on this. (Or maybe not, because it keeps me Papa John's loyal unless I'm just craving a stuffed crust pizza.)
4. My car. It's falling apart, and (knock on wood) hopefully holds on for just a little longer for me. It may be missing a few letters in the car name, have a massive dent in the back, a gas gauge that likes to mess with my head, and a blinker that likes to pick and choose when it works, but it's paid off, it's mine, and gets me from point A to point B. (Wow, that was a massive run-on sentence.)
5. The insane amount of One Direction stuff around my computers at my office. I'm 30, not 12, but all of my 1D stuff makes me smile. It's all functional, so it's not the personal stuff that my boss doesn't want visible to the public. For those keeping track, there's a 1D notepad, 1D notebooks, 1D cup that holds my pens, 1D tape....yea, it's a bit of a problem...but I'm ok with it. I can take the jokes.
It's officially Lent. After I post this, I'll be heading to the ATM to get my weekly allowance. For those of you wondering, the weekly allowance isn't necessarily a set amount each week. I look at what's happening each week and then adjust the allowance accordingly. (Next week's allowance will be a little more since I'll be travelling for work.) For those keeping track at home, this week's allowance is $120.00. I have plans to do some grocery shopping this week, but we'll see how I feel this weekend after our crazy work schedule. You'll get the update next week on how this worked for me.
But on to this week's challenge (for lack of a better term, and a nod to my reality TV addiction). Days of Gratitude. I selected this for these few days because our work schedule is so crazy. Yes, I'm grateful for a job, and love the job that I have, but sometimes when it gets super intense it can be difficult to remember that. For the next few days, I'm going to reflect on 5 things that I'm grateful for each day. Not the typical things that everyone is grateful for like family, friends, job, etc. I want to focus more on the things that I tend to overlook when asked what I'm grateful for. These choices may seem a little random, but just roll with me.
I'm grateful for ...
1. A bed. I may have fallen asleep on the floor last night while doing yoga and woke up to my upstairs neighbors coming home at 2am. I may have some rug burns from this experience, and they are a reminder that I'm very grateful to have a bed to sleep in.
2. Cleaning supplies. I'm about to go clean out the ticket booth we use at the venue our softball games are held at. It was pretty disgusting at the start of last season, and I'm pretty confident nobody has been in it since I was there last season. I'm very grateful for the Pledge and spider killing spray that will be used to make it semi-homey for the season.
3. Musical child toys. I'm grateful for musical toys for children because they are the way that kiddo chooses to show her love for you. If she runs to where you are and says, "Play for Mommy! (or whoever you are)", then you know you've made it. You reach elite status when kiddo offers to serenade you while you are getting ready in the morning. VIP status is reserved for concerts while you are in the shower. (Only my mother has reached VIP status.)
4. Couponing Blogs. I'm grateful for the people behind blogs that tell you when things are going on sale, and what coupons are available to get those items at the lowest price possible. I know this takes a while to really get into the cycles enough to know when this occurs, and I'm grateful that these people chose to share their knowledge with the world. (Teach me, Obi Wan!) While I'm really bad about following them, the giving up of the credit cards for 40 days will make them my new friend. I just learned how I can get candy bars at Walgreens for as little as 22 cents next week! (We all know that I love a good deal on candy.)
5. At home coffee makers. While I am grateful for coffee, I'm even more grateful for the coffee maker (and filters by default) that I have at my house. I'm also grateful for the one in my office, though I haven't seemed to need it as much this spring sports season. Without affordable at home coffee makers, I would be spending so much more money to go to coffee shop and have someone make my coffee close enough to the way I like it. At home, I can make my coffee exactly how I want it, solidifying the start to a good morning.
Texans clearly don't understand that today is Mardi Gras. *que Bono! Oh wait...that's about Christmas* I shouldn't be at work right now. I should be at a parade, with a fun drink, trying to catch more beads than any one human could ever need in their entire life. If I'm lazy, which is usually the case, I should be at home in my pjs watching trashy tv all day. Both of those options are equally acceptable ways to celebrate Mardi Gras in my world.
For all of the fun times that will happen today, tomorrow is Ash Wednesday, the official start of the Lenten season. Being one of two kids in my class growing up that wasn't Catholic, I was exposed to Lent, but never really participated. When I got older, I decided that I wanted to be like the cool kids and give something up for Lent. I like the idea behind the act of giving something up or doing something more for Lent. I had more of a challenge trying to figure out what I was going to do for Lent this year, but I've finally come up with one big act (well, two in a way ...) and then 7 smaller acts for the various weeks.
For those playing along at home, I plan to give up my credit and debit cards for Lent. (Yes, you did read that correctly.) For the next 40 days, I plan to spend only cash. At the beginning of each week, I will head to the ATM to get my weekly allowance. That allowance will cover gas, groceries, any other errands, McDoubles, Sonic Happy Hour runs, etc. Of course, I will still have my credit cards in the event that some emergency (knock on wood) happens. The spending cash is strictly for what I can plan for. In a way, I'm using this 40 days to try and not spend all of my money at fast food establishments.
Also, similar to the Notebook Challenge, there will be a Lent challenge! Yes, you will have a blog post every day over the course of the Lenten season. Some of them will be related to the weekly and overall Lent sacrifices, while others will be just posting something for the hell of posting something each day.
Now, for the weekly sacrifices. I tried to cater each weekly sacrifice to the events that will occur that week to make them somewhat relevant. I also have them alternating self reflection v. sacrifice. (To exhibit the true balance of the season.)
Week 1 - Days of Gratitude - 3/5/14 - 3/9/14
(Not a full week since I want to start something new on Mondays. It's a thing. If I'm starting something new, I feel it has to be on a Monday. Roll with it.)
Week 2 - Adios Candy Drawer - 3/10/14 - 3/16/14
Week 3 - Life Lessons Reflection - 3/17/14 - 3/23/14
Week 4 - Push Off Pizza - 3/24/14 to 3/30/14
Week 5 - Week of Charity 1 - 3/31/14 - 4/6/14
Week 6 - Fast Food Fast - 4/7/14 - 4/13/14
Week 7 - Week of Charity 2 - 4/14/14 - 4/18/14
Of course there will be more details in the blog at the beginning of each week on some of these. Some of these may not seem much of a challenge to do for a week for some of you, but those of you that know me, know that the things I'm giving up will be brutal to me even to give up for a week. (Especially in the middle of our spring sports season!)
I know it's not really appropriate terminology to wish everyone luck with their choice of Lenten celebration, but for lack of better terms, good luck. I hope that this Lenten season helps all of us re-center our focus, and remind us to appreciate all that we have.
When writing on my other blog about my relationship, I kept thinking about those "Love Is..." comics that used to be in the papers when I was growing up. For those of you that don't know what I'm talking about, they looked like this:
I never noticed that they were naked in the comic strips!
This weekend, the boyfriend ran some errands with me and when we got to the gas station, he offered to pump my gas for me. This isn't the first time he's offered, and each time he asks me to turn the car off so he doesn't die. This time I finally blurted out that I'm not used to letting people do things for me. (It's very hard for me to accept someone's help when it's something that I can very easily do for myself.) He said, "That's what love is." Instantly my mind went to these little comic strip guys. That's why they're on here right now.
This is the part I have a problem with. There have been many times that the boy has offered to help me do things or offered to do them for me. I've usually turned him down. I have a hard time letting people help me. I think he's started to realize this, and has sort of backed off on the offers to help. I keep telling him that I'm probably going to ask him to help me with things around the apartment. (Never committing to actually asking for help, but keeping the door open.) I appreciate that he is extremely patient with my serious control freak issues. If that's not love, then I don't know what is.
For the record, love is watching the Oscars when someone has let you watch reality TV all weekend in an effort to truly work on those compromising skills that come in handy in every day life.
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