It Never Works!

Anytime I try to follow any tips from any parenting advice forums, it (usually) never works. Kiddo turned two in September, but the terrible twos are just now hitting us in full force. (All prayers appreciated.) Nothing that my mom and I try seem to work when it comes to tantrums. A while back, I got this lovely e-mail from Pampers about how to help tam the toddler tantrums. They offered me, as they called it, "parenting advice that will set you up for success." They're baby experts, right? Surely this is the information I need to help get through this season in our lives! I read the e-mail. I digested the information. I put it into practice. It didn't turn out as magical as I thought. Here's how putting these tips into real life worked out for me:

(1) Offer Options - I get that kiddo doesn't get to control much in her life, so I can get behind offering her options. I've been doing this for a while now. Do you want the butterfly juice or the bicycle juice? Do you want to bring Charlie Brown or Sally? Do you want to watch Thomas or Super Why? These are questions that occur on a daily basis in our house. However, the scenario usually goes like this:

K: Mommy get you a juice?

M: What do you say?

K: PUH-WEEEEEEAAAASE.

M: Do you want butterfly juice or bicycle juice?

K: Butterfly juice.

M: Ok. Mommy's going to the kitchen to get you a butterfly juice.

M walks to the kitchen to retrieve the juice. Kiddo begins to follow and starts saying, "Want butterfly juice. Mommy will get you butterfly juice. BUTTERFLY JUICE," all while sobbing uncontrollably as if I'm not getting the juice out of the cabinet.

(2) Stick to a Schedule - With my work schedule, kiddo splits time between being with me in Texas and with my parents in Louisiana. Working in college sports as a single mom means you have a crazy schedule and you take the free child care as you can get it. Kiddo is in a routine where she's in Texas certain days and Louisiana certain days, with it occasionally changing based on other things going on. My parents and I try as much as we can about keeping things consistent for kiddo. She eats lunch between 11-12 to keep with the time she eats it at school. She eats dinner around 5. She begins her wind down routine for bed around 9. (Sometimes she gets to stay up a little later if she's in Texas and I'm not getting back from work too long after that.)

I also understand that toddler cannot grasp time, so telling kiddo that she has so many more minutes to play with whatever she is playing with is really a waste of time. She loves music, and is usually listening to a cd, so I try to keep it in terms of x number of songs. If she's watching Zoe dance on my laptop, I'll let her know how many more songs Zoe can dance to before we need to let Mommy's computer take a break (or go to sleep if it's bedtime.)

To be honest, this has been hit or miss. It all depends on what she's doing after whatever she is enjoying is over. If it's bedtime, she usually doesn't fuss. Usually...when she fusses, she makes it count! If it's brushing her teeth, you would think I'm the most horrible parent in the world with the screams that can come out of that small body.

(3) Acknowledge Your Toddler's Point of View - I understand validating kiddo's feelings. Sometimes acknowledging kiddo's feelings seems to lead to a bigger break down than would occur if I had just not said anything. Example:

M: Ok, puddin, it's time to go to (insert location here)?

K: Take Sally.

M: Ok, you can bring Sally.

K: Take Charlie.

M: No, puddin. We can only bring one friend with us. Charlie will sit here in your chair and wait for you.

K: *starts sobbing* Charlie will wait for you *sobs harder as we walk out the door determined to show the world that I'm a mean mom*


(4) Use Humor - I try this one ALL THE TIME. I think I'm pretty funny, so of course kiddo should think I'm funny. I also get mixed results with this one. Sometimes, I'm able to use humor to deflect from what is upsetting kiddo. Other times, kiddo looks at me like I've gone crazy and just takes the tantrum up to 11.

K: Baby (what she calls her grandmother) get up.

M: Puddin, baby was sitting there first. You can sit in the chair next to her.

K: Want Baby to get up! *sobs*

M: How about you and Mommy do the dilly dance?

K: WANT BABY TO GET UUUUUUUUUP *banshee style screams*

M: *gets up and starts the music and begins to dance*

K: *stares at M* Mommy won't dance *sobs* Baby get up PU-WEASE!

This parenting thing isn't as easy as my parents made it look. Having them go through it with me allows me to see that it was never easy for them as well. They're just as clueless as I am right now. Considering I think they're awesome parents, knowing that they winged it and I turned out just fine (debatable if you ask my brother) makes me feel like it's ok to wing it and see where we end up.