Couples Therapy = My Therapy

(Taken from my blog about my dive back into the dating world)

Everyone who knows me likes to laugh that I'm a self-proclaimed reality tv junkie. I have the amazing (is it really amazing?) ability to weave pop culture, specifically reality tv, into most conversations and be able to relate it. I told my parents I wanted to get my master's degree in Pop Culture originally, and they weren't too thrilled with that. (You know, that whole 'will it land you a real job' thing. I have a master's in Sports Administration, so I guess that 'real job' theory is still out the window.) There are a few shows that I've gotten sucked into recently, and my friends have told me I should start blogging about them. I know most people will expect this post to be funny, but this episode hit a little too close to home. Let's just say that I was basically in therapy watching this episode and it's taken me this long to recover from that unintentional therapy session to be able to talk about it.

When we're introduced to today's topic, which is sex, Dr. Jenn offers a pretty damn good take away right off the bat. "At it's best, sex is an extension of how you feel about your partner. At it's worst, it is shaming, it is conflict, it is difficulty expressing yourself." Way to get deep early, Dr. Jenn. (I may have started drinking at this point, so I took notes.)

This episode mainly focused on the two couples that I tend to identify more with their problems: Ghostface and Kelsey, and Whitney and Sada. That was the moment I knew this wasn't going to be an easy episode to watch.

Ghostface and Kelsey offer an entirely different level of work for me because it is eerily similar to my relationship with The Original. For a while, I felt just like Kesley. I learned that I either had to accept it as is or GTFO. It worked as is for a while, until I decided I wanted more than that and knew he wouldn't be willing to offer it. Kelsey is getting tired of Ghostface having sex with other women. Dr. Jenn tells him that a woman starts to bond with someone she has been with intimately for months. I think he gets it, but he's very dismissive of Kelsey's feelings because she knew what she was getting into. When Ghostface talks to Dr. Jenn one on one, he explains that Kelsey didn't tell him half of what she was saying in therapy. Dr. Jenn brings up that it's because Kelsey didn't want to lose him, and it makes me realize that Ghostface just honestly didn't realize how much Kelsey cared about him. He's apparently been with this other chick a year longer than he's been with Kelsey, so I think he's really confused at this point. However, Ghostface does little to make anyone like him after the one on one session.

Dr. Jenn tells Kelsey, "Just be careful. When you let someone just give you crumbs of their love, you start to believe that's all you deserve." Ghostface brings up the idea of sitting down with the other woman and Kelsey flips out about the bomb he just dropped on her. (Ghostface totally tries to say this is similar to him finding out Kelsey was a stripper 4 years ago. I agree with Dr. Jenn, totally different than saying, "Hey, sit down with me and this other chick I'm fucking and let's do some therapy.") Kelsey is now trying to figure out which of the two women is the side chick versus the girlfriend. Then the moments where Kelsey should either punch Ghostface in the face, walk out of the house, or some combo of both should have happened. "She should be madder than you." Did Ghostface really just go there? "I still love you." Really? I'm thinking someone is just horney and Kelsey is the chick who happens to be there at the moment. (Trust me, it's hard to accept when you are THAT chick.) "You wanna do me a favor?" Um, not really, but she agrees anyway. "Get me some apple juice." Duty calls for Kelsey. "What, no ice?" And he doesn't understand why she just threw that drink in his face? Is Ghostface really that oblivious? If so, I think I found someone more oblivious than TF.

We'll end with the issue that Sada and I both need to work on because it hit me even this morning. Many of you know that I don't feel that TF finds me that attractive because he doesn't say it. Oh, sure, now I'll get "I like that shirt" or "I like that outfit" but as far as telling me that he finds me attractive, the odds of that happening are pretty slim, and I feel like I have to fish to get them (which I hate). However, he has plenty of compliments along those lines for his female friends. I guess the fact that he's with me should be all the confirmation that I need on that? I get that I'm not as attractive as the people he's complimenting, but would it hurt to at least make me feel like it? It's led to a similar problem in Sada and Whitney's relationship from this episode. I like to call it the "Authentic Compliment Meter", and Sada tends to use it often. For me the ACM tends to come up when I mention that I would like to hear these compliments. I feel the only reason that he compliments me on appearance (even in a round about way) is because I've asked him to. I start to wonder if it's really an authentic compliment or not. Of course, this is entirely self destructive and I'm trying very hard to work on not immediately trying to figure out why he's giving me the compliments. I get that he loves me. I get that he is willing to have sex with me. But every now and then a girl likes to hear that the guy she's with thinks she's attractive.

I hate when reality tv hits close to home. It's supposed to be my escape from the world. However, I feel this post shows that reality tv isn't just something that can offer you a laugh. It's also something that can offer you more insights into your own life than you could ever realize.