Yesterday, my parents and I took kiddo to the zoo. This particular zoo is in a large park. Outside of the zoo are lots of picnic tables, a couple of playground areas, a large lake, and a train that runs through the park. Kiddo LOVES the train (it reminds her of Thomas) so when we got there she had to ride on it immediately.
Hola from kiddo as we get ready to ride the train! :)
After we rode the train, it was time to go to the zoo. The zoo has peacocks running around, so we spent most of our time stalking peacocks.
No peacock was safe from a runaway kiddo.
To distract her from trying to pet (kiddo has the tendency to pet very hard) the peacocks, I would say different animals that we were going to find. She was down with that plan. The first animal we went on a hunt for was the hippo. As soon as we found him, she wanted to dance for him. The zoo has some deck areas with tables and chairs where you can look out over the different animals. Kiddo began referring to these as her dancing spots.
I made a fool of myself dancing in public with kiddo, but it made her happy. When I would suggest a new animal to find, kiddo would say, "Let's go find another dancing spot." It really made me see how much kiddo can teach me about life. Life is what you make of it, and nobody can make you happy. It's taken me a long time to realize that being happy is a choice. I'm the one who makes the decision on whether I'm happy or not. So the next time I decide that I'm not happy about something going on in my life, I'm just going to take kiddo's advice and look for another dancing spot.
My boyfriend is addicted to his phone. He's on it constantly. He's checking or responding to his social media, his fantasy teams, his text messages, looking up whatever comes to mind (his ADD is crazy). We've been together 7 months, and it took me 4 of them to finally tell him that I would not allow the phone in bed. It frustrated me so much that we would be in bed together, and he would spend 45 minutes or more responding to text messages, tweets, facebook convos, etc. There were many nights where I would roll over and pretend to be asleep because I was so frustrated. I've established a no phones while in bed rule (unless it's a call or text from a family member), and a limited phone checking while we're together rule. This rule came about because one time when I was with him for a total of 28 hours, counting sleep time, he sent a tweet out every 6 minutes I was there. Take out sleep time, add in text messages, it wasn't worth my 3 hour drive round trip to see him for that one day.
When I'm with my daughter, I try very hard to limit the amount of time I'm looking at my phone. I have a phone for work, so sometimes the responding to an e-mail or text message has to be immediate, but for the most part, I'm on it way too more than I mean to be when I'm with her. Last night, my daughter looked at me while we were watching Zoe dance for the millionth time last night and said, "Mommy dance with me." I told her I would, and as I hit send on the text message, she said, "Mommy put her phone away." It broke my heart. Here I was doing the exact same thing to my child that my boyfriend has been doing to me. Talk about life slapping you on the forehead when you need it to.
From now on, I promise to try and make a more conscious effort to not check my phone when I'm playing with her. I want to be able to get the point where I can leave my phone in my purse until after she's gone to bed. The most important people in your life shouldn't feel as if they are second best to the "people who live in your phone". Every day kiddo is reminding me that I need to live in the moment and enjoy them before they are gone. So the next time kiddo asks me to dance with her and Zoe, even if it's for hours, I will dance. That's more important than anything else.
Like many women, I say every year that I want to drop a few pounds. I'm happy with myself, so I'm not overly concerned about it. I guess the best way to put it is that I want to get back to exercising on a regular-ish basis, and not indulge in all the fried goodness the world has to offer. (Doing anything on a regular basis while being the single mom to a toddler and working in college athletics is challenging, so I always aim for regular-ish.) (Also, I will be indulging in massive amounts of fried goodness at the fair tonight. I'm a moth to a flame!) I was a college athlete, and when I don't have a set workout routine it tends to leave me frustrated. Since my schedule is starting to wind down work-wise, I figured now was the time to really get focused on sticking to a schedule.
I started the Blogilates beginners calendar last week. I went with the beginners calendar because it was some more intro to Pilates videos, and since I'm not very good at it, I felt this was the place to start. Plus, there are less videos on each day compared to the regular calendar, so it fits better with my schedule. I've stuck with it for almost 2 weeks now, and while the scale says that I've gained weight, I can tell that I've lost inches. (which is more what I'm really looking for anyway) My clothes fit better, and there is a slight hint at some abs wanting to form. (New goal - have the start of a two-pack by the end of the 4 weeks!) So far I've gotten a reminder at just how not flexible I am (flexibility is overrated!), a reminder of how tight my hamstrings are (my trainers used to always laugh about that), and possibly pulled a muscle in my butt. (Can you do that?) This morning I even tried her 2 ingredient "pancake" recipe and it wasn't half bad.
I swear it taste better than it looks!
Last night, I got some weight loss help from kiddo. She knows that she's not allowed out of her high chair until someone is finished eating. She kept asking to get out of her chair last night, and I kept reminding her that she had to wait until someone was finished. (This is a daily conversation/semi-discussion.) My mom finished eating, and let her out. Kiddo came and stood next to me and then this exchange happened:
K: "You want to go watch Zoe?"
M: "I do, but I want to finish eating dinner first."
K: "Want to go watch Zoe NOW?"
M: "When Mommy finishes eating."
K: "Want me to put your plate up?"
M: "When Mommy finishes eating."
Kiddo them proceeds to put her face almost in my plate while this conversation loops back around.
I did finish my dinner, and we went to watch Zoe on my laptop in my bedroom. I tried to look at it more was kiddo's way of helping me eat less. It's sometimes hard to do that when this happens almost as soon as I sit down to eat, but it did provide me with a good story. She likes to dance with her Zoe game, and my awesome (horrible) dance moves are always requested, so I also get a small workout in too. Kiddo is growing into my accountability partner/personal trainer. I better stick to her plan before she starts shaming me in public.
Seeing this on my Pinterest board put a night of soul searching into perspective. A few days ago, I posted about the apology that I never thought I would get. Those few text messages led me to a long night of soul searching. It seems that the couple is hoping to start over in our friendship and I have no desire to have them back in my life. Feeling that way bothered me, and it took me a while to figure out why.
It bothered me because this is the first "toxic" relationship that I haven't been the one to initiate the end of. There have been many relationships that have been removed from my life with the understanding that they would never be rekindled. I went through a not so proud period of my life, and have worked to remove any of the "negative" (I use quotes because I don't like to think of them as negative) influences in my life. I've always been the one to initiate the break, and went through a grieving process before actually initiating the break so it wasn't such a shock to my system. I think this is why it initially bothered me that I didn't want to rekindle my friendship with this couple. The end to the friendship was something that I never saw coming, and hadn't prepared for before hand. I never expected them to ask to rekindle the friendship, therefore, I used all of my internal defense mechanisms to prepare for life without them. It felt like a slap in the face for her to say that they still think of and care about me, because I don't think of or care about them. (I care in the general sense of not wanting anything bad to happen to them, but no more than I care for any person that I don't know well.)
That night of soul searching made me realize that it doesn't make me a bad person for not wanting to rekindle the friendship. I am not a bad person for protecting myself from a repeat of the hurt. I am not a bad person for putting my family's best interest first. I am not a bad person for looking out for myself. It took me a long time to reach the point where I understood that I can accept their apology while declining their olive branch of friendship. And that, does not make me a bad person.
I took the day off work and have been working on some other blog posts, but they aren't coming along as easily as I thought they would. So, I decided to do a post on some fun facts about me. Some of these facts will be old, some will be new, but I hope some of them make you laugh on this Monday.
1. I have an irrational fear for frogs. I'm more afraid of the small tree frogs than I am of large bullfrogs. My fear stems from the fact that they can jump and it's difficult to gauge just how far they are going to jump, so they can come out of NOWHERE! There have been times that I've hyperventilated because a frog has been under the door handle of my car. I'm terrified, I tell you.
2. My favorite Disney movie is Oliver and Company. When I was a kid, I saw it in theaters more times than I care to admit. "Why Should I Worry" is one of the songs that I would use in a soundtrack for my life.
3. Before kiddo, I was the only person in my immediate family not born on the 29th of a month. My dad (November), mom (April), and brother (January) were, but I was born on the 22 (July). (So close!)
4. When I lived in Baton Rouge, my friends and I would have Spaghetti Wednesdays. At the time, I was the only member of the crew who didn't have a master's degree. Present day, I'm the only one who has not either obtained or is working on a Ph.D.
5. In college, I burnt a poptart in the microwave of my dorm room. I then used my ninja abilities to throw it away on a different hall without anyone being wiser. I told one of my best friends who lived on the hall where I threw it out years later, and she now calls me Betty Crocker.
6. I'm hoarding turkey bacon in my freezer. This month was the first time, since September, that I've had to buy turkey bacon. HEB had a sale when I ran out, so I took it as a sign to begin hoarding more turkey bacon. If all else fails, I have enough turkey bacon to eat on for a few months.
7. Mark Wahlberg has always been my number one celebrity crush.
8. The only thing that I like at Starbucks, beverage wise, is their hot chocolate. I love coffee, but am not a big fan of their coffee.
9. The worst injury I've had came playing in a work league softball game. I managed to play tournament, high school, and college softball without a major injury. I was hit in between the temple and the eye in a work league softball game and suffered a pretty severe concussion. To this day, I have very limited short term memory.
10. I spent a semester in London and learned more about myself in 4 months than I ever thought I could.
11. I may be 30 years old, but I love One Direction. I have all of the albums, the 1D movie, and more memorabilia than I care to admit. If I could afford to see them live in concert, I would go in a heart beat! I mean, even Buzzfeed says that Louis is my boy band soulmate:
12. I convinced my co-worker that we should buy season tickets to a minor league hockey team in Fargo, ND (even though we live in Texas) based on this awesome commercial:
13. I always wear my hair pulled back. Always. One of the side effects from PCOS is that the balding thing that I've got going on. Between my hair being thin and fine, and the bald spots, it makes it very difficult to wear my hair down. I've become the master of my version of the messy bun.
14. Pizza is my favorite food. There are very few times where I would not chose pizza if it was an option, one of those being at a fair. Fair pizza isn't the same, and I'm too busy stuffing my face with all of the fried food I can't get on a regular basis to make it worth spending my limited money on pizza.
15. I'm a reality tv junkie. When I get free time from work and am not watching Thomas the Tank Engine with kiddo (over and over), I gravitate towards reality tv. I can also bring reality tv moments into almost any conversation.
16. I have this weird habit of responding with song lyrics in conversation. (Reality tv and song lyrics, it's a wonder I have any friends!)
17. I'm obsessed with book buying, and go through periods where I get anxious if I haven't been to a bookstore in a while. I have so many books that I haven't read, and will try to put a dent in them over the summer. (So I won't feel guilty about purchasing more books, of course.)
18. One of my favorite (makes me laugh) memories of my grandfather was when he was teaching me to pitch. We (me, my dad, my brother, and my grandpa) were at the ballpark and he told me to stop throwing like a girl. I yelled at him that I was a girl and then flashed him. All of the boys started laughing so hard that my lesson for the day was over. My grandpa used to love telling that story to people too.
19. I do not know how to ride a bike. When I was younger, I got frustrated when I was learning to ride a bike and declared that I would just walk anywhere I needed to go.
20. I ran my first (and probably only) half marathon while I was pregnant with kiddo. I wasn't 100% positive that I was pregnant when I ran it. It was also very icy (February in Tennessee) and through a state park. I slipped many times during those 13.1 miles. I finished the race with a very sore ass and I told my parents that if I ever said I was going to do that again, to remind me of how I wanted to jump in front of an 18-wheeler during the last 2 miles of the course.
I hope some of those confessions made you laugh! I'd love to see what random facts any of y'all would choose to share with the world. I have many more things I could have shared, but I'll save them for another post.
It's been said that you don't forgive someone for their sake, you forgive them for your sake. About two years ago, I was hurt very deeply by a couple who I thought were some of my closest friends. I actually thought of them as family. All of us were not on the same page on some things that I was under the impression we were, and feelings were hurt. As a result, I have only spoken with one of them a couple of times for professional reasons, but only to ask for a professional reference. I may have spoken to either of them two to three times in the past two years for under 5 minutes per conversation. I grieved the loss of their friendship, and had accepted that any relationship we had was over. I forgave them, and moved on with my life.
Today, I got a random text from a number I didn't recognize asking if it was still my number. I was intrigued, and replied that it was. It was one of them. I instantly that, "What the **** do they want from me now? I've stayed out of their lives like they asked. What the hell could they possibly want from me?" The text said that they understood if I didn't want to talk, but they were in a very different place now and had talked a lot about what happened, and this person understands it much more. They told they felt bad about how it ended, and how they dealt with it. They also said they hoped I was happy and that they still think and care about me.
WTF!!!!!
I didn't know how to respond to that. I had put everything behind me. To be honest, I haven't really thought about them in longer than I can guess. I mean, I asked for a reference a few months ago from one of them, but I hung up and had no thoughts about them. I have gotten to a point where I am at peace with them just being people that I used to know. My mind went through many different thoughts: is this part of some 12 step program, what happened in their lives to bring this about, what do they want from me, is this part of some counseling, etc? How do I even respond to that? Do they really think I'm going to respond? Do they even want me to respond?
After much counsel with the people who were closest to me when the event happened, I was still undecided about how to handle this situation. I finally decided that I needed to get advice from someone who I could give the 5 minute snippet to and get their opinion on it. I went to a friend who had no previous knowledge on the situation, and his advice was exactly what I felt needed to be done. Let them know I received the texts, I appreciate the sentiments, and wish them well. I took his advice, and also added in that I had put those events behind me a long time ago.
They replied back that it was heavy on them to share that with me. I didn't reply back. I probably won't reply back. I don't feel there's a need to reply back. They asked me to stay out of their lives, and I plan to respect that. Now that I live 14 hours away, it's not as if we run in the same social circles for that to be awkward. It takes a lot for me to remove people who I've felt were family from my life, and once I've removed anyone from my life, it takes a lot to get me to let you back in. I hope that they got whatever peace from this exchange today that they were looking for. I'm happy with my life the way it is, and there's no reason to look back.
I found this on Pinterset as I was originally going through this situation and
helped me get to a place of acceptance with the situation.
I look forward to my reality TV Sundays. It's the only day that I can consistently watch the shows when they actually air, and since I don't have DVR, it's sometimes difficult to catch the shows that I've missed. Or if I'm being honest, sometimes I actually forget to go find the episodes I missed to watch. (Shhh...don't tell too many of my friends that! They might be surprised to learn that I'm NOT really addicted!) I won't recap the episodes of Long Island Medium and My Five Wives for you, but there is something from each episode that stuck with me that I'm going to touch on.
Long Island Medium
Long Island Medium showed us the mind of an Italian momma. I've heard that you can't fully understand an Italian family (much like you can't understand a Jewish family, Cajun family, etc) unless you grew up in one. Theresa making her son's lunch brought me back to my own family. Yes, I'm an adult. Yes, my parents occasionally live with me. (We have a unique situation that I may discuss in more detail on a later post.) Yes, my mom will ask me if I want her to package our leftovers from dinner for my lunch. Unlike Theresa, I'm on my own for breakfast though. Italians > Cajuns. The part of the episode that really hit home for me was when she was waiting for her son to get home from work to eat dinner, and then lectured him on being home in time for family dinner.
It was as if Theresa showed me my future in that moment! I can see myself becoming an Italian momma and giving kiddo the whole "If you live under my roof, then you need to be home for family dinner! I don't care if your coworkers want to go to Happy Hour! It's a worknight! You need to be in bed by 10!" I saw my life with my adult child played out on national television, and I have accepted it!
My Five Wives
My five wives broached some very personal topics this week: birth control, pregnancy, and adoption talks in a polygamist family. Robyn wants to adopt, and is trying to get more information on the process. We're ten shown other wives talking about how they would like to be pregnant again, but when they bring it up to Brady, he's not really on board with the idea. I couldn't gauge from the episode if Brady was down with the adoption idea completely, or if he wanted to have all of the information before making a final decision on it. Rosemary mentions that she would be jealous if Brady said yes to adoption after telling her he was too overwhelmed when she brought up having another child with him. Nonnie has turned the safe talks Brady wanted back around on him about having another child. I completely understand where all of these women are with this. If they wanted to have another child, were told no, and then another wife is being allowed to adopt, it does seem a little unfair.
The most cringeworthy Brady moment came when the interviewer asked if they could discuss birth control. Brady pipes up, "Sure!" I immediately cringed because birth control is a very personal issue to some women, and it became know almost immediately that it was a personal issue for his wives. In their faith (that they left), birth control was frowned upon. Many of them have not discussed whether or not they are on birth control with their own families for that reason. Brady continues on about how in this society it's not as if anyone would be shocked or expect them to be abstaining.
I guess what Brady wasn't thinking about is that it doesn't matter what society thinks. To his wives, it matters what their families think. They've already abandoned the faith of some of their families, and it would seem to add insult to injury to openly admit to their family specific things they have abandoned that they were raised to believe. I think the thing anyone can take away from this, is that if it's an issue involving a woman and her reproductive system, no matter what the issue is, it's best for the man to just let the woman speak on the subject if she wants.
.JPG)
