On a Break v. Break Up

With a title like that you may think this post has something to do with a relationship. In a way, it does. This relationship does not involve me, it involves a band that my co-worker and I have bonded over, The Wanted. I was introduced to The Wanted when I was living in Nashville (My friends hung out with a guy from the UK and he was into them), and she came to discover them on her own this past year. We anxiously awaited the release of their third album (their first big release in the US), faithfully watched their reality TV show on E!, and purchased tickets to see them in Houston on tour in May. This concert is what is getting us through the remainder of this sports year, because it is the day after our regular seasons end. It's our reward for getting through a sometimes challenging year. Our excitement was brought to a screeching halt as this came out last week:

"The Wanted are pleased to announce the release of their new video and single 'Glow in the Dark' taken from their November release 'Word of Mouth'. They are very excited to perform 'glow In The Dark' along with their smash singles 'I Found You',  'Chasing The Sun', and ' Glad you Came', amongst others for their fans on their upcoming Word of Mouth Tour.

Their tour will be their last for a while as Tom, Max, Jay, Siva and Nathan have collectively decided to take time to pursue personal endeavours following the tour's conclusion. The band wants to stress to their fans that they will continue on as The Wanted and look forward to many successful projects together in the future. They thank their fans for their continued love and support and look forward to seeing them on tour."

Our initial reaction was that it was kind of like a Ross & Rachel thing from Friends (We were on a break!). They're just taking a break. It'll kind of be like when the Backstreet Boys broke up so the drug problems could be dealt with, and are now back together and doing fan cruises together. I may have started figuring out how to get over my fear of being on a cruise so I could participate in a few years when The Wanted started doing fan cruises. Those sunshiny thoughts were short lived. 

A shocking interview with Max was released where he stated that the band mates haven't even spoken to each other in a while. He also says that, "over the past year there has been a lot of tension. Our personal lives drove us apart - things started to happen and we were drifting. We used to be such a brotherly pact, but it started to feel like it wasn't The Wanted any more." WHAT?! This is starting to sound less like a break and more like a break up. He also mentions a clear split in the band between he and Nathan, who want to embark on solo careers vs. Jay, Siva, and Tom. (Inner monologue: please don't be a break up....please don't be a break up...please still come to Houston...Tom was always my favorite anyway....)

The quotes get better, "It shouldn't be a surprise for anyone. (Um, it was to ME, Max!) As upsetting as it might be to some of the other guys, I have to live my life. Nathan and I haven't broken any promises either because we're both going to be on tour." Yea, you didn't cancel your entire tour, congrats. You're getting more publicity for it with this interview, and hopefully news of the split will work in your favor PR wise by getting more tickets sold. Good for you. My question, is this concert going to be worth my money if the group is as disconnected as this interview claims? I don't have much discretionary income, and the fact that I invested in this MONTHS in advance makes me feel like this could turn into a huge waste of money. (If anyone hears someone hollering, "If you don't want to be here, get out!", from the balcony...that chick should probably go home because she's drunk...) 

The article also goes on to mention that sales were a factor in the decision to take a break. Their third album didn't do so hot. I have a few ideas on why it may not have sold as well as they would have liked. (1) They pushed the release date for the album back MULTIPLE times. After the second push back, I asked to cancel my pre-sale because I wasn't sure if it was actually going to be released. Maybe this should have been my first clue something was wrong in Wanted World. (2) It was released around the same time as One Direction's third album. One Direction was taken over the world, much like Disney. You cannot compete with them, and attempting to was a dumb move. (3) It was just wasn't a very good album. I like Word of Mouth  ok. I don't love it. I like Battleground a whole lot more. I also really hate to compare them to One Direction, but One Direction's album was just better. A LOT BETTER. 

All I ask is that The Wanted call this what it is, a break up. It's not a break, it's a break up. I wish the break up wouldn't have been announced until after the tour, because now I'm not excited about the show. I'll still go, provided that they still complete the US leg of the tour, but I'm not excited about it like I was. I feel that I'll need to booze up heavily prior to in order to tolerate it. Knowing there is friction in the group, makes me feel like I'm going to see a second rate performance. All I ask is that if this is a break up, give your US fans the show they deserve, not the show they'll get just because you feel like HAVE to perform. As a group, you at least owe us that.  

Denied Worship

When I was younger, my family decided to change churches from the large church we were going to, to a smaller church closer to home. It was the church my mother had grown up in. One of the reasons that we left, was because we could sense that worship was not a priority of the church we were at. We wanted to be somewhere that focused on worship and fellowship versus how many programs people could be a part of and the politics of making your church a prominent one in the state convention. (Let me clarify that there is nothing wrong with these programs, but I feel that true worship should be a primary focus of a church.)

Last year, I felt a very strong calling by the Lord to move my letter to a different church. I have yet to do so because I was proud of being a member of my home church. I didn't want to have a new church home and new church family. I liked what my church stood for. I'm very sad to say, that I feel God was preparing me for what would happen this week.

To offer some background, the church my family attends is a small, country church. My daughter, who is 2 years old, loves music, and she loves to listen to her Sunday School songs, and praise songs non-stop. Since she has been coming in to church, she will dance in the aisles, and will go up to where the praise singers are. My parents have tried to stop her, but members of the church told them not to. They said that she was worshiping in the only way she knew how, and to not stop her. Apparently, a few people felt the need to complain to the pastor and not bring it up with our family. They say that her doing that disrupts their worship, and it's not fair to let her do it because their kids didn't get to do it. Had the latter part not been added, it would make believing their claims of it disrupting their worship more valid. The latter makes it sound more like jealously. I don't know their hearts, but I do know that they created a program so that no children will be allowed in church, but the pastor told my parents that my daughter was the reason for doing so. Nothing hurts worse than being stabbed in the back like this. Nothing hurts worse than knowing your child's only form of worship is being taken away from them, as if they did something wrong.

My parents are crushed, and have decided that it's time to attend church elsewhere. My daughter may not be able to worship how she has been at a different church, but at least there she will know that they do things differently and not feel like she did something wrong to have it taken away. There are many things that have changed about the worship at my home church that my family doesn't personally agree with, but they have accepted that this is how it is now. They refuse to accept this treatment, and I stand behind them completely. When 2 people, who are both Sunday School teachers, who rearrange their lives to be in church on Sundays and sometimes have nobody attend their class are treated like this, it's a shame. My parents would have given anything to that church if asked. If asked, they also would have stopped my daughter from doing what she was told by other members that she could do.

It's a sad day when brothers and sisters in Christ cannot come together in love and discuss things like this. It's a very sad day when programs are designed to keep children out of church because it is seen as disruptive. Children are the future of our churches. Proverbs 22:6 says, "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart form it." If you teach a child that it's not acceptable for them to be in church at a young age, at what age will they believe it is acceptable for them to be in there? If other people are swaying to the music, why is it not appropriate for a child to dance? If children want to be close to the praise singers, why is it not acceptable? How else will they learn to worship, unless they are allowed to? My grandmother, who is the longest member of the church, has told my family that we need to find a new church home. She's very upset and hurt by this as well, but she's not well, and since this church is so close to home, she will get a ride with my daughter's former Sunday School teachers.

It is a sad day for me to admit that maybe it's time for me to officially join the church down the road from me that I've been attending. The one I was so proud to be a member of is slowly becoming one that I am not so proud of.

These may be the ramblings of a hurt mother, but if my child was loud and disruptive, I could understand. I've witnessed her in action, and she either dances quietly or attempts to sing along with the songs. Neither of which are different than some of the adults. The only difference is she does so at the alter. For some reason, I don't feel as if God would be upset if more of use weren't praising him through dance and song at the altar.

Matthew 19:14 says, "But Jesus said, 'Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come to me: for such is the kingdom of heaven."

On That Day...

Most people who begin a story with, "on that day.." can probably remember the exact date. I cannot remember the exact date, but I can remember all of the emotions and where I was when it happened. On that day, the day I decided to keep my daughter, I grew up.

Let me provide some background. I became pregnant when I was 27 years old. From the time I was 13, I had been told by my gyno that due to some issues with my ovaries, I would not be able to have children unless I took fertility drugs. I had accepted the fact that I would never have children. After an extremely drunken one-night stand, I got pregnant. No fertility drugs. While on birth control. Everything the doctor's said could never happen, did happen.

The weird thing is, I knew I was pregnant when it happened. Weird, but I just knew. In fact, that next Sunday at church was the Right for Life Sunday, and I broke down in tears and had to leave because I knew I was pregnant and had no clue how I was going to (a) explain to my Southern Baptist parents that I got knocked up by a guy who's last name I didn't know (who also didn't know my real name), (b) manage to complete graduate school while being pregnant (abortion was not an option for me), and (c) how would I be able to handle being pregnant by myself being so far away from my family.

The first two trimesters, I spent the time reviewing bios of perspective families for my daughter. I felt even worse because I knew I would never be able to provide the life that any of these families would be able to provide. I had begun speaking to one family, and I really liked them. However, one night I had a very strong feeling. I've always believed in fate, and that things happen for a reason. In order for me to become pregnant without taking fertility medication, the stars had to align. (I'm not proud at the amount of sex partners I've had, but it's not like this was my first drunken one-night stand.) I began to get the overwhelming feeling that I was meant to keep my daughter. I called my grandmother because I felt maybe she could help me figure things out. While on the phone with her, I burst into tears and told her that I couldn't put my daughter up for adoption. She told me that she had known all along that I would keep the baby. God had already told her, and she was just waiting for me to listen to Him and accept it.

My life has done a complete 180 since making the decision to keep my daughter. It's all been for the best. It's still a challenge that I'm working on, but I've done a better job of not bringing work home. I'm still struggling to balance the career that I have, which requires working lots of events after hours and on weekends, and being a mom, but my family has been very supportive and have helped me overcome any insecurities that I had before making the decision to keep my daughter.

On that day, I grew up.

Valentine's Day Planning

I grew up in Southwest Louisiana, not too far from the Texas border. After a brief stint in Nashville, I made my way to Texas. (The part of Texas right across the border from Southwest Louisiana.) If there’s one thing I love about living in Texas, it’s the fact that I can sit by the pool in January and get some sun.  My boyfriend is a native Texan, and like all of them, loves all things Texas. He jokes with me that I’ll learn to one day love Texas. I told him that I doubt I’ll ever love Texas. I feel there will be aspects of Texas that I will grow to love. I feel that I will never dislike Texas, and may actually grow to like it a whole lot. Love is a strong word, and for someone who grew up in Louisiana, it’s hard to consider loving any other place on the planet as much as I love Louisiana. Louisiana just has a different feel about it, and in turn, a different way of life and looking at life.

I’ve spent most of my afternoon by the awesome pool in my apartment complex (it has a waterfall and awesome patio areas by the lake, which is why it’s awesome compared to the bare pool area by my apartment) thinking about what to get the boyfriend for Valentine’s Day. He’s already won in that regard because he got us tickets to see Boyz II Men…on Valentine’s Day. (Yea, he’s a keeper) Since I know I’ll never be able to top that, I wanted to give him something heartfelt and meaningful. I’m not a heartfelt and meaningful type of girl when it comes to relationships, so I wanted to step out of my comfort zone for this one. I’ve been scouring Pinterest for weeks and it’s been of no help to me. I’ve done countless internet searches to no avail. While I’ve been staring at this awesomely tranquil setting, I started to think of all of the things I like about Texas: Bluebell icecream (which is waiting in my freezer), Dr Pepper (which I’ve been drinking since soda was first introduced to me since it’s my mother’s favorite), the Texas Rangers (they just happen to be in Texas), Bordon’s chocolate milk (I used to buy this every day after softball practice until I quit playing during college), Shinorbock (my favorite beer), and  Dairy Queen (the true Texas stop sign. This got me thinking about what other things I like that are from Texas. I’ve been doing some research and it turns out, there are lots of things I like that are either made in, headquartered in, or originated in Texas. Then my brilliant plan came to mind – give him a basket of things I like about Texas.

While that idea is awesome in itself, I’ve decided to take it one step farther. I know nothing about Texas. I plan to take a few of those “simple” Texas history quizzes online with my results to show that I know nothing about Texas. I also plan to include a map on where I think major Texas cities are located. (I’m going to bomb that one big time!)  Follow that up with a Texas bucket list of things that I want to either do or see in Texas, followed with a small gift basket of things I like about Texas. I also plan to include a section of “things I don’t hate about Texas” to include all of th things that while I don’t necessarily like or love them, they’re growing on me.

I know that this is entirely cheesy, and sappy. I also think it’s going to be awesome. He may think I’m crazier than he already does, but this way he’ll know that I put thought and effort into a gift for a holiday that’s really just meant for people to buy stuff anyway. 

Hoarder Turned Crafter

I don't know why, but before my massive cleaning of my apartment, it appeared that I had been hoarding toilet paper rolls. I'm sure that I was hoarding them with the intent of actually using them for something fun, crafty and Christmas-y, but my grand plans of scouring Pinterest for the latest awesome toilet paper roll craft never panned out. So I was left with more toilet paper rolls than any person should ever have on their bathroom counter. I then turned to Pinterest and shamefully typed in "toilet paper rolls" to the box asking me what I am interested in. It took me a while to find anything that I felt was worth my toilet paper rolls. At this point, I wasn't going to waste them on just any old generic craft. No! They were destined for something awesome. Then I found these toilet paper roll cars: 

THIS is the greatness that my toilet paper rolls were made for! This is the most awesome craft ever! I run to my bathroom and grab my toilet paper rolls. On the way out of my bedroom, I grab my paint. This is going to be the BEST DAY EVER! I pull up the blog that this amazing craft glory is on and realize it is in Hungarian. Do I hit the translate button? NO! Translating is for wusses! I'm going to just follow the pictures and it'll work out fine, right? Right? 

I become determined that I can make these, until I really get into making them. I realize that I don't have the brackets to have working wheels. No problem, my daughter is 2 and we have imagination! (I'm clearly not willing to spend any money on these.) After a few weeks of starting to work on them and then coming back to them, I ended up with 6 "awesome" race cars: 

They may not be near as awesome as the ones in the original picture, but I'm proud of them. Also, check out my killer fleur de lis on the black car! Considering that I have no real artistic ability, I think it turned out quite awesome. 

Now, to scour Pinterst to see how I can use all of these coffee cans I seem to be hoarding. Hmm... 

A Little Wipe Down Does Wonders

I've decided that 2014 will be year I get my life together...somewhat. I decided to start with the three areas of my place that are in utter disarray: my bathroom, my bedroom, and my kitchen. The boy stayed a little later than he original planned today, so I didn't get a huge start. I have managed to tackle my bathroom since he left.

I'll admit. It's been WAY too long since I've deep cleaned my bathroom. I scrubbed the shower, the toilet, the floors, the counter, and the mirrors. As I was going about my deep cleaning, it had me thinking about how this year I want to make more of an effort to keep this place tidy. Aside from just keeping a semi-clean home, I want to make an effort to be more intentional. The reason this place looks like it does is because I haven't made an intentional effort to make it better. I haven't been intentional about how I clean my apartment. I realized that just a small wipe down of the bathroom each week and then doing a deep cleaning once a month, would make a huge difference in how it looks. Surprisingly, it also doesn't take THAT long to make it look a little better. I started thinking about how just a little wipe down every once in a while can do wonders for how it looks.

Just like that, I had an epiphany. If a little wipe down can do wonders for how my apartment looks, it can do wonders for my whole life. So this year, I'm going to take time to wipe down my personal life every once in a while. It was a reminder that sometimes you have to take inventory of the actions that you take, the people in your life, the way you live your life, etc. and wipe down the things that don't fit with where you want to be. I'm going to make a point to be more intentional with how I live my life.

I think I'll start my actually getting dressed tomorrow, even though I don't have to. After all, a little wipe down does wonders, right?

2014 Resolutions

Last night was the first time in a long time that I have spent New Year's Eve with someone. The boy came over and we watched the Chick-fil-a Bowl (he's an Aggie) and then flipped between multiple New Year's Eve celebrations that were on tv in order to keep ourselves awake until midnight. As I tweeted last night, "Had I gone to bed at 10, it would have been accepting defeat. At this point it would be giving up. I may be old, but I won't give up."  I tweeted that with about 10 minutes to go last night. As soon as midnight hit, both of us were ready for bed. It was a low-key NYE, which is just how I like it.

Today will be an equally low-key New Year's Day. The Outback Bowl is on (Geaux Tigers!), I have some appetizers going in the kitchen, a pizza will be ordered later, and the day will pretty much be spent at home watching bowl games. Kiddo is at my folks for the rest of the week, so I have some time to focus on some of my New Year's Resolutions. I tweeted out the main resolutions yesterday, "2014 resolutions: accept things I can't change, stop trying so hard to make things change, finish the Game of Thrones books, at least book 2". I  have been attempting to read the Game of Thrones books since my brother loaned them to me last year, and have not been able to get into the second book. It's mainly because the characters piss me off and I put it down out of frustration. I do want to do a better job of accepting things that I can't change, and not letting the fact that I can't change them frustrate me. I also want to try to get better about trying so hard to change things that I can't change. With those serious resolutions out of the way, let's get to some less serious, but still serious ones:

1. Get my shit together. I turned 30 this past year, and realize that I need to get my shit together. This year, I plan to focus more on menu planning, and sticking to the list I go into the grocery store with. I plan to coupon, and work the sales to my advantage to save money. I also plan to make more of an effort to keep our small apartment clean. That is what these few days without kiddo are going to entail, attempting to put a huge dent in that, so it's more maintenance at that point. I'm sure I will be adding ideas to this as the year goes on.

2. Do a better job of staying in touch with people. Whether that's by phone calls, e-mails, social media, etc., I want to make a better effort of staying in touch with my friends and family now that many of us live in different states.

Now for the standing resolutions:

3. Read one book a month.
4. Donate to charity each month.
5. That whole workout more business that everyone has.
6. Put at least $500 in savings.

Here's to wishing all of you a great 2014, and much luck on sticking to your resolutions! I've got a game to watch. #geauxtigers #teambloominonion